The Slice: Does anybody else speak crow?

Living here means listening to crows caw.

Few of us are fluent in their raucous language, of course. But after a while, you start to come up with guesses about what they are saying.

Here are some of mine. (Feel free to send me yours.)

1. “When are they going to remake ‘The Birds’? I’d be perfect for the part of the winged warrior who bravely pecks the kid on the back of the head at the birthday party.”

2. “Nah, I’m not really in the mood for road squirrel today. How about Thai?”

3. “Yeah, I know we mated for life, Gladys. Why do think I’m toying with the idea of stepping in front of a truck?”

4. “You look good in black.”

5. “What do you mean you won’t eat bread that contains high-fructose corn syrup? What’re you – one of those South Hill crows?”

6. “Hey, lady. If you don’t put a better fence around your garden, raccoons are going to steal all your vegetables.”

7. “Al, I’m telling you, that might be the most ridiculous scarecrow we’ve ever encountered. Maybe it’s supposed to be folk art.”

8. “Convertible!”

9. “No, I haven’t read your blog.”

10. “Oh, great. Now I’ll have that ice-cream truck jingle stuck in my head all day.”

“Perhaps he meant “Iraq”: A news reader on a Spokane radio station last week referred to a soldier who was currently in hot water because he refused to go to “Vietnam.”

Can’t blame the soldier, really. At this stage of the game, what would be the point of deploying to Khe Sanh or Hue?

“Slice answers: Taryn Hutchins said the best word/words to describe those who insist AC isn’t necessary around here would be “in denial.”

Others suggested “Texan” and “Midwesterner.”

And several readers offered “cheap.”

“Recycling those fake credit cards that come in the mail: Gail Neidhold said some of the stiffer ones can be turned into guitar picks.

“Bookmarks,” said Linda Torretta.

“Just wondering: Does everyone remember that first childhood trip into a cavernous public restroom at a major league stadium? (Mine? Crosley Field in Cincinnati.)

“Slice answers: North Idaho Slice reader Andy Jackson said “The Sandlot” is the movie with his favorite swimming pool scene.

“When Michael ‘Squints’ Palledorous fake drowns so life guard Wendy Peffercorn would save him and give him mouth-to-mouth.”

Nancy Chevigny-Dahlke’s favorite pool scene is in “Cocoon.”

And several readers mentioned Esther Williams movies.

“Today’s Slice question: If everyday life were officiated like soccer, what infractions would merit a yellow card and what offenses would earn you a red card?