Annie’s Mailbox: Call Nar-Anon on boy’s behalf

Dear Annie: My 16-year-old daughter’s ex-boyfriend, “Rob,” has a drug problem. They dated for three months, and she broke up with him because she sensed something was not right. She knew Rob had experimented with drugs and alcohol in the past, but she thought he’d stopped. While they were together, he swore to her that he was no longer using, but she found out he was lying.

For the first month or so after the breakup, they talked periodically. During one of their conversations, Rob told her he was heavily using marijuana and other drugs. She’s tried several times to help him, but he just pushes her away. His best friend confided to her that Rob was really off the deep end with his drug use. Both of them have tried to help, but Rob tells them to back off and leave him alone.

We are all worried for this young man, but no one is sure what to do. Rob’s dad is aware of his son’s drug use. He told me he had suspected Rob was using drugs because his grades were slipping, he was skipping school, fighting more with both parents, etc. My daughter says Rob hates his home life and his parents, and uses drugs to escape. She still wants to help him, but how can you help someone who is stubborn and won’t admit he has a problem? – Not Sure How To Help

Dear Not Sure: You are right that Rob must want to be helped and your daughter is not responsible for what happens, but she apparently needs to feel more proactive. She can contact Nar-Anon, for family and friends of drug users, at 22527 Crenshaw Blvd., 200B, Torrance, CA 90505 (nar-anon.org).

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 16 years to “Dennis.” Over the years, Dennis has done numerous nice things for his mother, but she doesn’t treat him like a son. She has other children, but Dennis is her eldest.

Just this past year, Dennis remodeled her home so she could live better. Yet when Christmas and birthdays come around, there are no cards from her for anyone in our little family.

Of course, she treats Dennis’ sister and those grandchildren like royalty.

Currently, Dennis and his mother haven’t spoken for five months. I refuse to get in the middle, but I’m sure she blames me anyway. Is there anything we can say that will sink into her head? – Stir-Crazy in Florida

Dear Florida: Probably not. Dennis has been trying to buy his mother’s love for years, and it hasn’t worked. He can work up the courage to tell her directly that her blatant favoritism is damaging their fragile relationship, but it may not have any effect. We’re glad Dennis has you and the children as a source of support.