The Slice: I’ll give you something to wear

I saw a goateed guy on Riverside wearing a T-shirt that said “Don’t make me pull over.”

So I wondered. Is there an entire “Old-School Dads” line of shirts? If not, there ought to be.

You know.

“I’ll give you something to cry about.”

“Hold it till the next rest area.”

And so on. What would you add to the list?

“Reader challenge: I keep hearing about encounters with wild turkeys this year. Many of these surprise sightings have taken place inside the city in thoroughly developed areas.

So here’s your assignment: Come up with a name for a set-in-Spokane horror movie imaginatively spun from these encounters.

“Slice answer (screwing up during a church service): “At the age of 17 or so, I was serving as platform assistant during Sunday morning services at my Presbyterian church in Bellingham,” wrote Spokane’s Jan Treecraft.

“After leading the Prayer of Confession printed in the bulletin, I was supposed to say, ‘Let us continue to confess our private sins in silence.’ “

But what she actually said was, “Let us continue our private sins in silence.”

There’s quite a difference, of course.

Inviting congregants to continue sinning in silence opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities. The mind reels, as they say.

In any case, Treecraft was unaware of what she had said. “I was happily giving myself credit for the exceptionally quiet silent period.”

Then came the coffee hour.

“I was informed of my gaffe.”

“Multiple choice: What’s the No. 1 cause of teacher burnout?

A) Parents. B) Administrative burdens. C) The way performance is evaluated. D) The attention spans of kids in 2006. E) Fading belief that one person can make a difference. F) Impossibility of keeping a straight face while saying certain pupils’ names. G) Heartache over the grim home lives of some of the children. H) Other.

“Lost in translation: Lisa Wickes was in Japan on business years ago and had a charming young woman as her companion and translator.

“One day when it was raining, she pointed to two young girls under one umbrella and said that this word meant the same as best friends,” said Wickes. “Then she asked me, ‘What is the English word for two people under one umbrella?’ “

Hmmm. There really ought to be such a word. Any suggestions?

Don’t say “Seattleites.”

“Warm-up question: Who holds the Inland Northwest record for the longest friendship where neither person has been inside the other’s home?

“Today’s Slice question: How did you learn the facts of life?