Hotels can make your stay suite

Let’s talk about hotels.

At the most fundamental level, a hotel is just a bed for the night. And there may be any number of reasons you’re not in your own bed – some of which I don’t want to hear.

So in order to differentiate one bed from another, hotels market “experiences.” And I just had a good one.

My brother wanted to get married, as so many evolved, commitment-friendly men do. Accordingly, our older brother reserved a suite at the Seattle Westin to accommodate the small affair.

But when he and I arrived to set up the wedding folderol, they gave us a regular old room. It had a nice view of the sound, sure, but we were all going to have to stand on the bed during the ceremony.

One short conversation with Kyle at the front desk yielded the Royal Suite and a bowl of chocolate-covered strawberries courtesy of Camilla.

And that’s how hotels make us love them.

A couple of other lodgings in the area would like to have a chance to woo and win you, and they’ve found their own ways of sweetening the pot.

The historic Heathman has a selection of packages meant to lure you to Portland for a couple of days.

“Girls’ Night Out” welcomes you with two Cosmopolitans (they do know what the ladies like), two “Happy Feet” packages at The Barefoot Sage foot spa (they’re killing you, aren’t they?) and lunch at the Heathman Restaurant. You’ll stay in an executive room with two double beds for $184 per person per night.

For even more indulgence, try the “Gourmet Weekend.” The $199 per person per night price tag buys you a deluxe room for two; a $50 gift certificate to Sur La Table; breakfast at the Heathman Restaurant; a $100 gift certificate for dinner at Oba!, Wildwood, Southpark Seafood Grill & Wine Bar or another Portland nightspot; a bottle of pinot noir; chocolate truffles; and the latest issues of Wine Spectator, Portland Living and Gourmet magazines.

There are more packages to be had, of course, and you can peruse your options at www.heathmanhotel.com or call (800) 551-0011.

If you can wait until May 3 for your trip to Portland, you’ll have the chance to rub elbows – by proxy – with old Hollywood at the new Hotel deLuxe.

The 130-room hotel’s art deco design features more than 400 photographs from the 1930s, ‘40s and ‘50s. Stroll the corridors surrounded by such glamorous folk as Clark Gable, Judy Garland, Frank Capra, Otto Preminger and Audrey Hepburn. Each floor reflects its own theme, and one is devoted entirely to Hitchcock.

Hotel deLuxe comes out of the starting gate with the “Lights Camera Action!!!” package.

(Yes, that’s three exclamation marks. They’re nothing if not excited.)

You’ll get martinis, appetizers, a pair of silk pajamas (you’ll have to split them up; bottoms for him, top for her – or however else you choose), a Sinatra CD for mood music and an “intimacy kit.”

Ohhhh. That’s what all the exclamation points are for.

The package runs $350 for two people.

If you’re what the package description calls a “glorious gay man,” you can pony up $425 for two people and enjoy “Over the Rainbow.” It comes with a disposable camera, a walking tour map, town car service to and from the men’s salon, Hair M, and a $200 gift certificate to use when you get there.

And I bet if you’re just a regular old gay man, you can get the package deal, too.

They’ll take your reservation at www.hoteldeluxeportland.com or (866) 895-2094.

Finally, over in Missoula, they’re now accepting guests at the brand-spanking new Hilton Garden Inn and Missoula Conference Center.

You’ll find 146 rooms’ worth of Herman Miller chairs, flat-screen televisions and complimentary high-speed Internet access. Find out more at www.hiltongardeninn.com or (877) 782-9444.

Wolf prints

If you have time for a quick trip to Leavenworth, Wash., on Thursday, you can catch the opening of the eighth annual Hazel Wolf Environmental Film Festival.

Named after the co-founder of the Seattle Audubon Society, the festival includes filmmaker workshops, presentations, panel discussions and screenings. It runs through Sunday.

Films cover such topics as the environmental impact of the 9/11 attacks, the recovery of grizzly bear populations in Yellowstone, the Exxon spill in Prince William Sound and one woman’s fight against the petro-chemical industry.

Keynote speaker Jack Hamann, winner of dozens of journalism awards and author of “On American Soil: How Justice Became a Casualty of WWII,” appears on Saturday. Throughout the weekend, you can take in workshops like “After the Shoot: Writing Your Documentary Film,” “Filming Wildlife” and “Fundraising.”

Sleeping Lady Mountain Retreat, an ecologically minded spot along Icicle Creek, hosts the festival. There’s a schedule at www.hazelfilm.org. Or call (206) 624-9725.

Regional events

•American Indian Council of MSU Pow-Wow, April 14 and 15, Bozeman. This annual festival showcases traditional dancing, food, arts and crafts. (www.montana.edu/wwwnas; 406-994-3751)

•St. Anthony Cowboy Poetry Gathering, April 14 and 15, St. Anthony, Idaho. Organizers say local and nationally ranked poets will be on hand, although they don’t explain what entity oversees the seeding for writers of poetry. There’s also a cowboy variety show. (www.visitidaho.org; 208-624-4870)

•The Quest for Rest: A Program of Mindfulness and Wellness for Women, April 23-27, Breitenbush Hot Springs (115 miles southeast of Salem, Ore.) Yoga instructor and “wellness coach” Nan Yurkanis covers such topics as “The Treasure Hunt: Awakening the Observer,” “Overload Indicators,” “Closed for Maintenance and Repairs” and “Taming the Tempo.” The $280 fee doesn’t include lodging. (www.breitenbush.com; 503-854-3320)