Norman Chad: Gambling on a gambler a bad bet

This was the week that was for Gamblers Anonymous types:

“Golfer John Daly claimed he’s lost between $50 million and $60 million in the past 12 years gambling.

“TNT’s Charles Barkley told ESPN he’s lost “probably $10 million” gambling.

“And Couch Slouch lost $30 on the Kentucky Derby, betting on a tip on A.P. Warrior, who finished a game 18th in a field of 20 horses.

Here’s a better tip: DON’T GAMBLE.

I say this as someone who is a lifelong gambler, as someone who is pro-gambling in almost every regard – and as someone who knows that if you can’t gamble responsibly, you probably shouldn’t gamble at all.

But still – and this is the part gambling opponents hate to hear – it is a choice everyone should make for himself.

I win almost every year in poker and lose almost every year in blackjack. So why do I keep playing blackjack? Well, as Barkley says, “Because it’s my money. I earned it … I think it’s fun, I think it’s exciting.” Plus, when I break even, I go out and buy myself something really nice.

I once lost $5,480 in a single day playing blackjack, at a time in which my annual income was about $50,000.

How do you lose $5,480 playing blackjack when you can’t quite afford to?

One hand at a time.

Twenty-five and $50 dollars at a time.

You get 19, the dealer gets 20. You get 20, the dealer gets 21. Or you bust 10 hands in a row.

Boy, that deck can run cold.

(Column intermission: I love the NBA playoffs, but the timeouts are so interminable, I can click away and watch almost all of “Citizen Kane” during commercial breaks.)

I am reminded of the 1974 film, “The Gambler,” in which college professor Axel Freed – played by James Caan – in explaining to his mother how he owes $44,000, tells her, “I gambled and I lost.”

Which, of course, brings us to Daly.

He gambled and he lost.

The thing about gambling is, almost everyone loses. There is no surer way to lighten your wallet, with the possible exception of betrothing Anna Nicole Smith. Yet even gamblers who acknowledge it’s a problem seldom stop, or recognize when it turns into addiction.

Now, the public always has been sympathetic to Daly’s various excesses – his alcohol problems, for instance, are well-documented. But it’s almost as if people expect him to drink; after all, he’s been married four times. As for his gambling habit, people may not be as forgiving.

And ever since Daly made his admission in his just-released autobiography, “John Daly: My Life In and Out of the Rough,” the question keeps getting asked:

Could Daly really have lost in excess of $50 million gambling?

That number may seem high, but I believe he does most of his gambling in casinos and, last I checked, they never close.

The most recounted episode happened last October when Daly, after finishing second to Tiger Woods and earning $750,000 at the World Golf Championship in San Francisco, drove to Las Vegas and lost $1.65 million in five hours, mostly at $5,000 slot machines.

As one who somewhat understands a gambler’s mentality, I must tell you – if you’re sitting there pulling the lever again and again at $5,000 slots, you want to lose.

And, frankly, if your luck is that bad, bingo might be a safer way to go.

I am reminded of the 1960 film, “Seven Thieves,” in which college professor Theo Wilkins – played by Edward G. Robinson – says, “You know what they say about luck – it grows on trees, like apples. If your reach is long enough, it’s there to be plucked.”

It would appear that John Daly has very short arms.

Ask The Slouch

Q. I witnessed the Cavaliers’ LeBron James single-handedly beat the Wizards. He’s only 21. Could he become the best ever? (Aaron Markholt; Potomac, Md.)

A. If he ever gets a decent manicure – he bites his nails more than Shawn Kemp before a paternity test – the sky’s the limit.

Q. What’s wrong with the Pittsburgh Pirates? (Ray Stinger Jr.; Pittsburgh)

A. It seems like they’re behind, 2-0, before the first pitch. I used to feel the same way every morning, until my doctor put me on Metamucil.

Q. I read that some 4-year-old kid in India ran 40 miles. How is this possible? (Tom Metcalfe; East Chicago, Ind.)

A. It’s my understanding he was trying to outrun Tim McCarver’s voice.

Q. I’ve noticed a marked decline in the number of sacrifice bunts in Major League Baseball over the past few years. Is this another example of “jobs Americans won’t do?” (Tony Supan; Beachwood, Ohio)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.