Fiance not good marriage risk

Dear Annie: I am 36 and have been dating “Gary” off and on for two years. Most of the “off” times were because he wanted to date other women. I finally moved on and began dating again, when lo and behold, Gary asked me to marry him. He said he was ready to commit because he didn’t want to lose me to someone else. Since accepting his proposal, however, my joy has been clouded by this feeling that he’s going to call things off as soon as he finds someone more attractive.

We were both working hard toward rebuilding trust when I found out Gary is still in contact with the woman he left me for in April. They call each other and send joke e-mails. I confronted him, and after he initially denied it, he said that since his son is in the same class as hers, it is OK for him to be in touch about school, etc.

I do not yet have children, but I think that each of them could find other parents in class to talk to. He says asking him to sever ties with this woman is irrational. I am ready to call off the engagement. – Mixed Emotions in Mississippi

Dear Mixed Emotions: Here is our frank assessment: Gary is not a good marriage risk. He is not trustworthy. He does not make you feel confident and secure. He doesn’t put your feelings first. We predict you will be having serious marital difficulties within a few years. It’s your choice what to do about it now.

Dear Annie: I have a 6-month-old son who is tall and weighs 26 pounds. Anytime we go out, we hear comments like, “Looks like you’re growing a football player,” or “Dear Lord, what does that child eat?”

I do not need people to tell me he is big. I know. I also do not overfeed my child. My concerns are twofold. One is that my son will get a negative sense of self tied to his size. And if he is not athletically gifted, he will somehow feel he has failed to be the football player everyone assumes he should be. The other concern is that my older son, who is average sized, will feel bad about being smaller.

What seems like an innocent remark can have a major impact when the child is bombarded with such comments. If you must say something, mention his cute smile or happy disposition. As we left a store the other day, an obese couple said, “Wow, that’s a big boy! Did you see the size of him?!” How would they feel if I said, “Wow, that’s a big couple! Did you see the size of them?” – Happy Boy’s Mom

Dear Mom: We understand your frustration, but you cannot control the entire world. People are going to comment on your son’s size. What you can do is make it clear to both your sons that their size is irrelevant to their worth and how much they are loved.