November 27, 2006 in Features

Annies’s Mailbox: Seek help on tough decisions

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Dear Annie: I’ve been married nearly 20 years. My husband has always been self-centered and verbally abusive. We have five children – the youngest only 3 – so we have a lot of years left together.

The problem is, I recently found out that my husband had a one-night stand a few years ago. He brought this woman into our house while the children and I were gone. I have no trust left and even have a hard time talking to him. Our marriage was never that good, but I took my vows seriously. After finding out about the cheating, I’m only staying for the children.

We’ve gone to counseling together, and I’ve gone alone. Nothing seems to make a difference. I don’t know if I’m teaching my children anything good by staying. What should I do? – Mrs. No Respect

Dear Mrs.: Only you can determine if the stability you provide the children by staying outweighs the unhappiness you may be conveying to them. It is not beneficial to children to witness abuse or live in a stressful, depressing environment.

Part of the problem is that this affair is fresh to you, and worse, it happened in your home. Has he cheated since? Did he cheat before? You need to work through this particular affront and then see what’s left. Go back to your counselor, or find another one, and ask for help making some tough decisions.

Dear Annie: I am an administrative assistant. One of my duties is to answer telephone calls and route them to the appropriate person. Two people constantly receive personal calls from their spouses during company time, and I’m fed up with it. Both these co-workers have cell phones, so why can’t their spouses call on the cell phones or, better yet, talk at home? Don’t they realize how disruptive they’re being? I know that sometimes there are valid reasons for personal calls, but I believe these two are abusing the privilege.

I have tried to assert myself by telling the co-workers they should use their cell phones rather than the office lines, only to be “put in my place.” They think I’m their slave. I think they are inconsiderate and exploitative. I am the lowest paid person in my office. I constantly apply for new jobs but have not been hired for anything yet.

Neither my supervisor nor theirs seems to be aware of what is going on, and in the past, neither has cared much about such issues. – Angry in America

Dear Angry: Does your office have a policy against receiving personal calls during work hours? If so, file a complaint with Human Resources, so there is an official record and your supervisor will be made aware of the calls. But it is not your job to be the rule enforcer or to chastise these co-workers.

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