Couple mark 33 years of being side by side
“When did we get together?”
“Have we ever not been?”
New Jersey, May 1966. Dennis Conners wrote in Barbara Sears’ yearbook: “If it doesn’t work out with so-and-so, I’ll always be there.” After the inevitable break-up with so-and-so, Dennis asked Barb out once but was turned down because Barb had to baby-sit. Dennis took it rather hard, waiting seven years to try again.
May 1973. Dennis was teaching and coaching at his alma mater. “My roommate was getting married, and I was to be in his wedding. He told me I needed a ‘respectable’ date and that he’d run into Barbara Sears earlier that week.”
Barb, the lovely daughter of a well-to-do state senator, met the respectability qualifications and then some. Dennis called Barb’s house, found out from her mother where she was, drove to the building and waited until she came out. Barb’s first words were “What are you doing here?” Dennis, blue eyes twinkling, says, “We still ask each other the same question now and then.”
The wedding festivities started just before noon, and Barb was not returned to her home until 5 o’clock the next morning. Barb remembers, “We fell in love that day. We just knew.” There was no need for a formal proposal, but Barb caught the wedding bouquet at Dennis’ sister’s wedding in Tucson, Ariz., three months later, and the couple announced to their family that they’d be getting married next.
Their own wedding was small and lovely. On Sept. 22, 1973, a beautiful fall day, the simple ceremony was held in front of the fireplace at Barb’s family home in Mountain Lakes, N.J. … 80 guests … elegant garden reception … no honeymoon.
Barb and Dennis spent their wedding night at the Governor Morris Inn in Morristown, N.J., and left the next day for Tucson, where Dennis had a job awaiting him, working for his father. “It didn’t take long to figure out that I was meant to be an educator and not a businessman,” Dennis says.
Maggie, the couple’s daughter, was born in August of 1974. As there was a shortage of teaching jobs in Tucson at the time, Dennis widened his search, and landed a position in Houston,. In June of 1975, Dennis says, “We rented a U-Haul truck, threw Maggie in the back of the car, and headed to Houston.” He adds, ruefully, “I’ve dragged Barb from pillar to post.” Dennis finished his master’s degree and a doctorate in educational administration at the University of Houston. He taught school all day, attended classes in the evenings, and worked weekends at a security job, where he was able to do all his studying.
Their son, Michael, was born in mid-1976, and Barb spent her days caring for their two children as well as the three children of her sister.
“To save money on our rent,” Barb recalls, “I cleaned apartments in our complex. I’d find a clean spot in the apartment and plunk all five kids down on a blanket while I worked. Our children are still very close to those cousins, and I was like a second mother to them.”
Dennis remembers, “We had three weekends off in three years. I don’t remember much about that period … Barb carried the burden of the family. We were living on a shoestring, but Barb always made things work.”
After Dennis completed his doctorate, the family pulled up stakes and moved to Pullman, where Dennis accepted a position as professor in the leadership studies program. Barb returned to college when their son started kindergarten, completing her teaching degree at Washington State University.
During his fourth year at WSU, Dennis began consulting at North Idaho College. NIC offered him the position of associate dean of instruction, and, eager to get back into administration, he accepted. The family moved to Coeur d’Alene, where they’ve lived since.
In June of ‘85, Dennis and Barb bought a classic, two-story home on Cherry Hill, overlooking the lake and city. The meticulous gardens and grounds, and the house itself, reflect the love they feel for their family home. A deer nibbles on brush at the edge of the garden as the light of a golden sunset lengthens through the branches of the pines. A gentle waterfall tumbles into a meandering stream lined with extensive rockwork walls and paths that weave between immaculate flower beds. “It’s our sanctuary,” Dennis said. Barb adds, “It isn’t work for us. It’s pure joy.”
When Maggie was a junior and Michael a freshman in high school, Dennis took a job as academic vice president at William Rainey Harper College in Chicago. Dennis says, “One year soon translated to two.” But being away from the family was too great a price.
Barb recalls, “The hardest thing was being apart. After Dennis returned, it felt as though we’d never make up the time we spent apart. We’re good alone, but we’re better together.”
Dennis agrees. “Barb grounds me. She’s always been my rope. When you lose your center, or your rope, it’s not a good recipe for leadership. You lead who you are, and I was miserable.”
Dennis returned home in April of 1992 and in August of that year accepted a position with Gonzaga’s Leadership Formation Program, work that he continues with great passion today. He became director of the program in 1998. “My fantasy is to create at Gonzaga a center for professional development, tied to social justice, and to have Barb involved,” Dennis says. “She lends elegance to everything she does.”
Barb worked for NIC as an Adult Basic Education teacher from 1989 until this past May. Now that she is no longer affiliated with the college, Dennis is free to run for the NIC board of trustees, which, after a long period of consideration, he has decided to do.
“People are fighting for the soul of NIC. It’s at a real crossroads. I hope to invite a dialogue about the truly important things: education, accessibility, equity, students and staff.”
As always, Barb is at his side, lending support and her considerable organizational skills.
Both Barb and Dennis consider each other their best friend.
“We truly enjoy each other’s company. Dennis brings me an unbelievable sense of comfort and joy,” Barb says.
Barb and Dennis agree that although there have been the usual ups and downs, their relationship continues to grow deeper with the passing years. Dennis adds, “I can be authentic – who I really am – with Barb. She always assumes best intention. The only difficult times are when I’m clouded about who I am.”
Barb interjects quietly, “But I can still see.”
Just back from Cannon Beach, Ore., where they celebrated their 33rd anniversary, Barb and Dennis are plunging into the work of running a political campaign and turning Dennis’ vision of Gonzaga’s professional development center into reality. Side by side, as always. Better together.