Some parents do not compute
A sexually graphic instant message exchange between former U.S. Rep. Mark Foley and a teenage boy contains a few lines every parent should see, experts say. Using the screen name “Maf54,” taken from his initials and birth year, Foley allegedly talked online to former congressional pages. Here is a portion of a 2003 conversation, taken from news reports:
Teen: brb (be right back) … my mom is yelling
Maf54: ok
Teen: back
Maf54: cool hope se didnt see any thing
Teen: no no
she is computer dumb though
it makes me so mad
Maf54: good
haha
why
Teen: cause she cant do anything
Maf54: oh well
Teen: she couldnt figure out how to download a file from an email and open it
Maf54: haha
“`Computer dumb,’ ” repeated John Dacey, a professor of developmental psychology at Boston College. “Parents can’t afford to be computer dumb.”
As the scandal involving Foley’s online behavior develops, cybersafety experts say it should remind parents of how important it is to monitor children’s computer activity and to talk to them about potential dangers. It’s a really good time to say, `Boy, this concerns me.’ Because if this can happen in Congress, it could maybe happen to someone like you,” said Dacey, author of “The Safe Child Handbook.”
At the same time, though, parents say the nature of this particular saga – a respected politician staying in touch with former congressional pages – might not have raised a red flag in their households.
“You want to assume the best, obviously,” said Sue Coker, a Wichita, Kan., mother of two.
If her 16-year-old daughter, Lindsay, said she had a former boss on her instant-message buddy list, Coker probably wouldn’t have thought anything about it.
“You think, well, that’s nice. He wants to keep in touch with people he’s worked with,” she said.
“We keep a close eye on her and trust her, and we know what’s out there,” said Coker, a tech-savvy 43-year-old who says her daughters “were practically born with a mouse in their hands.” But “there are still things you’d really never expect.”
While it’s true parents and caregivers can’t eliminate every danger, Dacey and other experts say there are things you can do to lessen a child’s chance of getting in trouble online.
“No. 1: Parents need to be very involved in their children’s Internet activities,” said Lt. T.K. Bridges, head of Wichita-Sedgwick County’s Exploited and Missing Children Unit.
“If their child has a site like MySpace, parents need to know what’s on that. They need to know who their kids are chatting with. They need to keep a close eye on everything they do.”
Dacey recommends keeping computers in a public area of the house, not a child’s bedroom. He also said parents should be able to match every screen name on a child’s instant-message buddy list to a person they know.
And as unfortunate as it might sound, Dacey said, any adult on a child’s or teenager’s buddy list merits investigation.
“Whether it’s a congressman or a teacher or a coach or anybody, you ask, `What do you talk about? What is he asking you?” ‘ he said. “If it sounds even a little bit strange, find out more.”
Also, “there’s no substitute for looking over their shoulders” – literally and otherwise, Dacey said.
Know your children’s passwords and screen names. When you pass by the computer, glance at the screen. And every so often, check the computer’s cache to see what Web sites your child’s been visiting.
Some kids may balk at what they view as a lack of trust, said Bridges, who has two teenage boys. But rules are rules.
“I tell my son: `I’m not trying to infringe on those private matters for you. But as a parent it’s my job to keep you safe,”’ he said.