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The Slice: This dream seems to be on thin ice

OK, where were we.

Oh, yeah. Talented, beguiling Slice readers weighing in on insignificant essentials.

We’ll get back to that soon.

But there’s something on my mind.

You know how the Tuesday Today section-front is pretty much dedicated to health and fitness? Sure.

Well, I’ve been thinking that at least once I ought to devote this column to a compatible theme. And, as luck would have it, today’s the day.

According to a schedule I saw, the Ice Palace at Riverfront Park reopens this week.

As usual, I plan to buy a season pass. It’s the best bargain in Spokane.

I’m not sure how much real exercise I get from my lunchtime skating sessions. I mostly just carve slow loops around the rink and try not to step on any little kids.

But to turn it into a genuine workout, perhaps I simply need to aim higher.

The inspiration for this idea came in the form of an e-mail from a former features section colleague. The subject line read “You’re not going to believe this.”

Here’s the note.

“Paul,

“Last night I had one of the discombobulated dreams we all have now and again,” wrote Bev Vorpahl. “It took place in our former house on Garfield Road.

“I went into the basement, and there you were – dancing. Not ballroom dancing by yourself, but the type that requires great strength and energy, including running the length of the basement and doing big leaps and turns.

“Wow, was I impressed. You might consider taking such a crowd-pleaser on the road.”

Thanks for sharing that, Bev. Please remember to take your meds.

Well, I don’t dance. And I don’t usually spend a lot of time in basements.

But as I can skate a little, maybe I should work on making Bev’s vision come true – on ice!

Just think. Instead of my usual lethargic laps, I could sail through the air with a song in my heart and a smile on my face.

Instead of tracing lazy circles, I could pirouette and fly like a camel.

So how’s this for a plan?

Step 1: Get in great shape.

Step 2: Incorporate “big leaps and turns” into my lunchtime routine.

Step 3: Sneak into the big ice-skating shebang coming up here in Spokane.

Step 4: Take to the ice during a lull in the action.

Step 5: Astound the judges.

Step 6: Wait to savor the next day’s headline: “Aging S-R Columnist Arrested at Ice Fest: Therapists Summoned.”

So OK, perhaps that’s not a great idea.

Maybe some leaps of the imagination are best left to dreams.

“Today’s Slice question: What do flight attendants, train conductors and others who have regular layovers in Spokane think of our bipolar little city?

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