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Smart bombs

Political partisans can always be counted on to pump up the volume on their “media bias” rants during election season. It does me no good to tell them otherwise, but I’ve always thought it would be interesting to take two passionate critics and lock them in a room so they can listen to each other’s arguments.

Liberal: “Bush lied. People died. He should be impeached. So why doesn’t The Spokesman-Review report that?”

Conservative: “Come on. Those anti-war pantywaists are on your side. Don’t you read the editorials?”

Lib: “They endorsed Bush. Twice! I don’t trust ‘em.”

Con: “Oh, please. Look what they did to Jim West! He was a Republican!”

Lib: “They endorsed him, too.”

Con: “How many times can they run that lunatic Molly Ivins? Face it, they’re Bush haters.”

Lib: “Seems like they feature those Ramirez cartoons every day! Guy’s a fascist.”

Con: “Did you see that puff piece they ran on Lisa Brown a while back? Should’ve counted as a campaign donation.”

Lib: “Ri-i-ight. Like those soft features on Cathy McMorris hurt her candidacy. She’s getting married. She’s on some hottie list. Give me a break.”

Con: “Just how many Bonnie Mager letters do you suppose they can run? Bet the Socialist-Review writes those.”

Lib: “They endorsed Barb Chamberlain! Are you crazy?”

Con: “That’s because she has the best chance to beat Phil Harris.”

Lib: “They’ve endorsed Harris, too!”

Con: “Look at Iraq. People die in war, so why is that front-page news? They’re just trying to make Bush look bad.”

Lib: “Used to be front page. Now it’s buried. Must’ve gotten heat from their corporate Republican advertisers.”

Con: “Oh, please. The media are the lapdog of Hollywood and other liberal elites.”

Lib: “Yeah, that’s why they have a Business section. Where’s the Labor section?”

Con: “ABC knuckled under to their Hollywood friends with “Path to 9/11.”

Lib: “ABC lied about the Clinton administration.”

Con: “It was truthful! CBS lied about Reagan in that miniseries a few years ago. Funny how you forget that.”

Lib: “It was truthful! Besides, CBS pulled it and ran it on Showtime. Who gets Showtime?”

Con: “I don’t see how anyone can look at the media and say they’re objective.”

Lib: “At least we agree on something.”

Road to nowhere. I gave up listening to Al Franken on the radio a few months back. Too many times I’d be backing out of the driveway when he’d start a topic, only to pull into the downtown garage before he got to the point. I tuned in this week to see whether he had overcome his stammering, self-referential style, or, better yet, been replaced. No to both.

He either needs to get better at broadcasting, or I need a longer commute.


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