Old Boy wonders if Girl can be trusted

Dear Carolyn: Long story short. Three-year relationship, half good, half just blah. Girl breaks up with boy, Girl immediately dating New Boy (Old Boy believes was in the works prior to relationship termination). Three months go by, New Boy relationship doesn’t pan out, Girl tells Old Boy big mistakes were made, Girl missed old boy every day, thought Old Boy did not want to commit to marriage. Old Boy on the fence, is it even possible she is telling the truth? – Old Boy

Does it even matter? Before Old Boy worries himself about Girl’s veracity, Old Boy should ask himself whether he even wants to go back to a half-blah relationship with Girl (or with anyone, for that matter).

If Old Boy does want Girl back – if there isn’t a doubt in his mind that it’s a life he’s eager to live – then Old Boy can ask himself whether Girl’s telling the truth.

Then, Old Boy, ask yourself why you want even a not-blah relationship with someone you clearly don’t trust.

Then, see if there isn’t anything you can do about changing your name to Fred.

Dear Carolyn: Am I narrow-minded or being a stereotypical male if I can’t be “just friends” or simply “hang out” with a woman in whom I am very interested? I’ve known her three years or so, and a couple of years ago, there was real interest from her in all the kinds of intimacy that make a relationship what it is. Nothing much came from it, she moved out of country for a year, has since come back and we see each other once a week over dinner, a play, or with a group of fellow friends. She enjoys my company, but I don’t sense there’s any real hope of our becoming best or close friends. Therefore, because I am so intensely attracted to her, I think I need to just step away for a while and not be around her. – Texas

Then step away for a while.

The cool thing about being you is that even if you are being a narrow-minded and/or typical male, you’re under no obligation to force yourself to be otherwise. If the terms of your friendship are such that you’re too tortured to enjoy her company, then don’t keep her company.

As it happens, I don’t believe feeling this way classifies you as narrow-minded or stereotypical – or even as male. It just makes you human.

But your behavior is between you and your conscience, period. The way I or society or even she would classify you is purely academic. That said, letting her know what you’re doing and why might be useful to you both.

Dear Carolyn: What’s a good response to someone asking point-blank whether you are pregnant? I’m not ready to share yet because it’s early and I’m potentially at risk. – Pregnant but Not Ready to Bust

How about the truth? “Perhaps you don’t realize, that’s a dangerous question to ask.” So it’s not the truth – but it is a truth, and a necessary one, for both parties involved.