April 14, 2007 in HandleX

Strong families the goal of ICARE

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Kathy Plonka photo

Beth Barclay is executive director of ICARE Children and Family Advocacy Center.
(Full-size photo)

More than 950 children in Kootenai County will be abused or neglected this year, according to Beth Barclay, director of ICARE Children and Family Advocacy Center.

And it’s likely those children will be abused by someone they know. Statistics show that a majority of child molesters are not strangers – 60 percent of adult offenders were acquainted with their victims.

“It is estimated that 4 million children a year are abused in some manner in the United States, although many cases are not reported,” Barclay said.

ICARE, a nonprofit child abuse prevention agency, partners with parents to build strong families. The goal is to reduce the risk factors that challenge families by offering strategies to strengthen families in need of extra support.

“Parenting is one of the toughest and most important jobs we will ever do, and we all have a stake in the outcome,” Barclay said.

ICARE’s services are free to anyone; there are no financial qualifications or age limits for children.

ICARE has a staff of three part-time parent educators who are trained and certified by the national Parents as Teachers program. More than 2,300 people were served last year.

As Kootenai County’s population has grown, so have the number and severity of cases handled by ICARE.

Teen births are on the rise, according to the state Department of Commerce and Labor, and the number of families headed by women has increased dramatically. Between 1995 and 2005, the number of households with children that were not headed by a married couple increased 82 percent.

Although faced with increased demand for its services, ICARE has been forced to do more with less because of budget cuts. “Our federal grant was cut in half last July, and as a result, ICARE has lost $65,000,” Barclay said.

Although ICARE does not include a low-income requirement, 80 percent of the families the agency serves are low-income.

“Since single-parent families tend to have much lower incomes than two-parent families, the increase in single-parent families has exposed more families to poverty, especially families with small children,” Barclay said. “Nearly 30 percent of single-parent families with children live in poverty, while 6 percent of two-parent families with children do.”

At least 2,000 children die each year as a result of abuse, according to the Council on Scientific Affairs.

“It never leaves our minds – how to deal with the violence our young children see and too often encounter in their lives every day,” Barclay said.

What can be done to protect children’s lives and spirits?

Barclay, former director of Project Safe Place, said she learned that prevention of violence must focus on the early childhood experiences of all children.

“Too many children suffer abuse and neglect at the hands of parents and caretakers who should be nurturing them instead,” Barclay said.

Abused children often experience problems later in life, such as juvenile crime, poor academic performance, drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, obesity, poor physical health, teen pregnancy and suicide.

“The cycle repeats and repeats – and it must be broken.” Barclay said.

ICARE teaches parents to communicate calmly and clearly with children; correct and redirect children without losing control; identify, respond to and advocate for their children’s needs; handle stress in positive ways, including reaching out to friends, family and community resources for support; develop positive bonds with their children and enjoy spending time together; and have confidence in their own abilities as parents.

The Nurturing Fathers program is a 13-week ICARE class that covers “Roots of Fathering,” “The Power to Meet their Needs,” “Overcoming Barriers – Stress, Anger, Substances,” “Discipline, Fun and Games,” “Fathering Sons/Fathering Daughters,” “Parenting as a Team Sport” and “Fathering Without Violence or Fear.”

ICARE also offers a six-week Love and Logic program that gives parents tools they can use right away. It is an approach that centers on love – love that is not permissive and doesn’t tolerate disrespect, yet allows kids to make mistakes and to live with the consequences of those mistakes.

“Mistakes have consequences, but the consequences should be accompanied with love, which teaches kids to make good choices and to use those experiences to grow into responsible adults,” Barclay said.

Love and Logic also teaches children about real-world responsibility and offers parents a chance to connect with other parents facing the same issues.

In response to childhood sexual abuse, ICARE has begun offering a training program called Stewards of Children, developed by the Darkness to Light national organization.

“This program addresses what we can do as parents, as professionals working with children and as community members to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse,” Barclay said.

The statistics are frightening. One in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthdays; 63 child sex abuse cases were filed in Kootenai County last year.

“If this were a disease, we would be doing something about it,” Barclay said. “It is caused by the calculated sexualizing of a child by a perpetrator, the fear or denial of adults who have awareness of the abuse but do not act and the inexperience of potentially helpful adults.”

Research has shown that parents who have the tools, resources and support they need are more likely to raise safe, healthy and productive children.

So ICARE schedules personalized home visits by a professionally trained parent educator, offering a support system that addresses the specific strengths and needs of individual families.

It also facilitates supportive parent groups that focus on learning how to parent in a healthful manner – even if parents have not experienced that as children. Connections to new friends, shared experiences and a reduction in isolation are added benefits.

“ICARE is all about prevention,” Barclay said. “We recognize that no parent wants to hurt their child, and we are here to provide the support they need.”

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