April 26, 2007 in Voices

Home shelters teenage mothers

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Jed Conklin photo

Three-month-old Skyler Woods is fed by his mother as 19-month-old Asia Sanders is held by hers Wednesday at Alexandria”s House in Spokane.
(Full-size photo)

The spicy aroma of tacos drifted through the hallways of Alexandria’s House on a recent afternoon. Five young women gathered in the small kitchen to share a meal.

Sippy cups and plastic dishes crowded the table, surrounded by highchairs and infant seats. A cacophony of baby babble filled the room.

Alexandria’s House is a transitional living facility for pregnant and parenting teens and their babies. Established in 1990, the home provides comprehensive case management and 24-hour supervision and is licensed by the state of Washington.

Jill Staples, program manager, said, “We offer a safe, nurturing environment for teen moms. During their stay, they’re taught independent-living skills as well as parenting skills.”

The home is operated by Volunteers of America. According to youth program director Laurel Kelly, many of the girls who stay there have been exposed to domestic violence or substance abuse. The teens often are homeless, low-income or unable to live with their families.

Alexandria’s House is licensed to hold six mothers and six babies. But the need is so much greater.

“We turn away anywhere from 50 to 60 girls per year,” Staples said.

The teens are expected to share cooking and cleaning responsibilities and take part in independent-living classes on a variety of subjects, such as nutrition, basic banking and pregnancy prevention.

But a key part of the program is the Circle of Security bonding and attachment workshops led each week by Dr. Kent Hoffman.

“This group has been a real turning point,” Staples said. “We’re able to teach basic skills like bathing an infant, but Hoffman is able to change things generationally.”

Hoffman videotapes the girls interacting with their babies. Then they review the tapes together.

He points out what their parenting strengths are as well as their challenges.

“He teaches them how to parent in a new way,” Staples said.

“Our girls are taught that every parent makes mistakes, whether you live on the South Hill and make $100,000 a year or whether you’re a teen mom.”

Staples says she is proud of the young women who have come through Alexandria’s House.

She cites one mother who lived in the home, went to college, got a teaching degree and now works at Alexandria’s House.

Another former resident, 18-year-old Melissa Grube, recently moved out of the home and into the Aston-Bleck Apartments, transitional apartments also operated through Volunteers of America.

“I came to Alexandria’s House because I was in an abusive relationship,” she said.

Her 2-year-old daughter, Maria, clambered onto a nearby chair.

“My mommy!” she said, pointing her finger at a photo on the wall.

“That’s Maria!” she exclaimed as she found a photo of herself.

Grube says she gained a lot from her time at Alexandria’s House.

“I have a temper,” she said with a wry grin, “but I’ve learned how to communicate.”

She also gleaned basic skills such as good nutrition.

“Here, you always have a fruit and vegetable at dinner. Now that I have my own place, I have to have a fruit and vegetable with my meal.”

Grube, a senior at Lewis and Clark High School, said Hoffman’s attachment and bonding group was life-changing for her.

“I learned that Maria doesn’t always want attention; she wants connection,” Grube said.

“I learned to let my daughter have her own feelings.”

As the young mother looked at the photos of teens and babies adorning the bright fuchsia walls of her former home, she said, “The best part of my stay here was being in a safe place, feeling secure and being able to call it my house.”

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