Fond or not, you’re obligated to aging parents

Dear Annie: I had the misfortune to be born to the two most selfish people known to mankind. I am their only child.

When Dad divorced Mom, he divorced me. He’s spent the rest of his life being a wonderful husband to his new wife (who doesn’t like me) and a father to her son. My mother has spent her life looking for love in all the wrong places. My father and I pretend to have a relationship, and my mother and I run hot and cold.

I have been married to the same man for 40 years, and we have two great kids. My parents are now elderly and not in good health. They seem to think I should take care of them, even though when I was young, neither had time to take care of me.

I can’t turn back the clock and create feelings for them that should have been formed many years ago. Where do I go from here? – Old Enough to Know Better

Dear Old Enough: Obviously, you still harbor a great deal of resentment toward your parents. You don’t have to be fond of them, but you do have an obligation to see that they are not out on the street. Please check that their finances are in order, that they have insurance and, if necessary, that they are placed in an assisted-living residence or given nursing care. You do not have to do this personally if you (or they) can afford to hire a geriatric care manager (caremanager.org). Otherwise, check with your Area Agency on Aging.

Dear Annie: Just how long is my husband’s middle age crisis supposed to last? At the age of 47, he is in his rock-star phase. For the past two years, everything in our lives has revolved around his music. Our friends avoid us because they are bored to death by this – not to mention their own teenagers are going through the same stage.

I don’t mind him having a hobby, but it involves getting together with his unemployed musician friends three or four evenings a week to practice, and that is having a very negative effect on our family. Our children miss him, and I find that we are growing apart.

I want our marriage to work, but it seems I am the only person in it. Please don’t suggest counseling. – Sick of It

Dear Sick of It: Your husband has catapulted himself into his adolescence in order to escape the responsibility of being a husband and father. Talk to him about how much the children need both their parents and see if you can wake him up. Otherwise, if you truly want to save your marriage, you will use all the options available – and that includes counseling, like it or not.