Alcohol, old-age may be blamed for tasteless joke

Dear Annie: My 65-year-old sister, “Linda,” and her 68-year-old husband, “Peter,” recently bought a home in our state. I love my sister and was looking forward to having her close again, but now I’m not sure.

Two weeks ago, Peter sent an e-mail joke to my 40-year-old married daughter. The joke was unbelievably sexist and graphic, and the text of the message was, “Thinking of you.” My daughter was disgusted, as were her husband, her mother and I, and several other family members and friends. My sister had planned on staying with me until her furniture arrived, but I called and told her she is welcome, but Peter is not. She gave me the excuse that Peter had been drinking when he sent that e-mail at 2 in the morning.

Linda called to ask that I leave her new house keys (which I had been holding for her) in my outside mailbox and she would pick them up. She did and I haven’t heard from her since.

I don’t want to terminate my relationship with my sister, so how can I rectify this bad situation? My wife, daughter, daughter-in-law and both sisters-in-law refuse to be in the same room with Peter. How do we have a holiday dinner? – At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: Drinking can affect one’s judgment, and Peter may not have realized how inappropriate the joke was. (Depending on his alcohol intake, he may not even have realized he sent it to your daughter.) It’s also possible that at age 68, Peter is showing early signs of dementia and his inhibitions have been lowered. Linda may believe she is protecting Peter, so if you want to salvage this relationship and help your brother-in-law, please reach out to her. Explain that you love her and are concerned. We hope she will come to the holiday dinner, and if so, your daughter (and everyone else) should treat Peter as civilly as they can manage.

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Those who would like more information on how to participate should contact the Compassionate Friends at compassionatefriends.org or call (877) 969-0010.