The Slice: The meaning of the season is having a speaking role

It seems like fewer Spokane churches are putting on traditional manger-scene Christmas pageants these days.

I have a theory about why this might be the case: The child actors have become too difficult to work with.

Once upon a time, kids pretty much did what they were told. They played their parts as written. They didn’t complain about their costumes. And they didn’t expect the diva treatment just because they were playing, say, the mother of God.

But as you might have noticed, children have changed. They now expect to be center-stage at all times. They don’t do “seen and not heard.”

This could pose challenges for anyone directing a yule play.

I mean, what do you do if one of your wise men wants more lines? What if you have an 8-year-old angel complaining that her outfit doesn’t make her look sufficiently hot?

OK, it should be noted that some kids are probably a joy to work with. They show up on time. They follow instructions. And they don’t listen to music on earphones while you are trying to talk to them.

But it’s equally certain that you also have third-grade innkeepers referring to themselves as “the talent” and little boys assigned the role of Joseph asking, “What’s my motivation?”

I don’t really know this for sure. Still, I can’t help but guess that Christmas pageants started to disappear about the time some temperamental child actor pulled the director aside and hissed, “Look, either the shepherd gets a dance number or I walk.”

Of course, the real problem with these Sunday school thespians might be that more and more of them now have representation. Just imagine trying to convince a talent agent (also known as a parent) that a certain 6-year-old playing a sheep isn’t actually the focal point of the pageant.

Heaven help us.

“Slice answers: One of two things usually tips off Michelle Heffley that her husband is home. Sometimes she hears the distinctive beep tones of the car being locked. But more often she notices that the family dog, Ottis, has come into the living room and is eagerly waiting for his pal to come through the door.

For Lucille Ball fan Jane McIver, it’s hearing her husband come in and say, “Luuuuucy, I’m home and you have some ‘splainin’ to do.”

“Today’s Slice question: A friend saw an eagle fly over West Valley High School the other day. And a question occurred to him. How many schools around here can say they have been randomly visited by their mascots?