Well, well. So Duane Hagadone wants a floating helicopter pad for Christmas.
To be specific, the Coeur d’Alene hospitality/media tycoon wants the helipad PLUS a 200-foot dock just in case the Queen Mary ever stops by his new Taj Ma-Duane lake manse at Casco Bay.
Ho, ho, ho!
As usual, however, there are always jealous whiners who view Hagadone as naughty and not nice.
“He’s forgotten about his neighbors who own the lake surface,” complained one of them in a newspaper story the other day.
“The public, we are his neighbors. This is about awareness of public trust.”
Oh, what quaint, silly notions.
Wake up and smell the newsprint, people. There’s no use being filthy rich if you can’t surround yourself with a whole lot of ultra- expensive, ostentatious and unnecessary crap.
Hey, I want a floating helicopter landing pad, too.
True, I’d have to first get a helicopter – but that’s beside the point.
Good thing that this is the Holiday Season of miracles.
I want to help make my former employer’s dreams come true.
I realize that it will be up to the bonehead bureaucrats at the Idaho Department of Lands to say “yea” or “nay” to Mr. Hagadone’s obvious efforts to improve Casco Bay.
But no law says that I can’t use the force of my logic (and a David Letterman rip-off) to help these officials arrive at the right decision.
So hang onto your sleigh bells as Santa Clark gives you …
Top 10 Reasons Why Duane Hagadone Needs a Floating Helicopter Pad.
10. Can’t use floating golf green after last landing turned slow-putting pair into foursome.
9. Nothing says roughing it at the ol’ lake cabin like a copter run for Huddy Burgers.
8. Poor guy needs something to cheer him up after the city officials poured weedkiller on his plan to turn downtown Coeur d’Alene into a giant memorial garden.
7. Never know when you might have to fly off in the middle of the night to dump an environmentalist in the lake.
6. Wants Casco Bay neighbors to call him Lord Whirlybird.
5. Soothing “fwap-fwap-fwap” of helicopter blades drowns out annoying nature sounds from nearby wildlife refuge.
4. Able to shave 7.2 seconds off arduous two-minute commute from Casco Bay to Coeur d’Alene Resort Hotel.
3. Controversy over floating helicopter pad and Guam-size boat dock will divert public attention from real plan to build Vegas-style casino on Tubbs Hill.
2. Dang it all, Duane. It’s about time you spent some of that hard-earned money on yourself for a change.
1. Wants to put “Ha, ha. I have a floating helipad and you don’t!” in Hagadone Christmas newsletter.