The Slice: Keep the bologna to yourself

Years of watching children in action at Riverfront and Manito parks has convinced me that what Spokane really needs is half a dozen rules about feeding ducks.

You know, for kids.

So here goes.

1. Don’t jump into the water. This alarms the birds.

2. Do not name the ducks. What if every kid did? Waterfowl find it confusing to have 100 different monikers.

3. Throw the bread, not your sandwich. You’ll want that later and, trust me, the ducks will not give it back. Besides, it would be soggy.

4. Go easy on the ice-pick shrieking. Though some of Spokane already knows the truth, your parent or guardian wants onlookers to believe that you are well-behaved. Play along.

5. If your parent or guardian is a moron – a reasonable statistical probability – remind him or her to keep the family dog away from the ducks.

6. If you want to yank your dad’s cell phone from his hand and hurl it into the water, it’s OK with The Slice.

“Slice answer: Several readers said Postal Service vans are often this area’s grimiest vehicles.

“Drawing lines: Some responding readers said the western border of Eastern Washington is the ridgeline of the Cascades. Others said it is the Columbia River.

Both are classic answers, of course.

Sadly, no one came out in favor of full recognition for Central Washington as a distinct geographic entity. That was my hidden agenda. I mean, doesn’t that just make sense?

We wouldn’t even have to call it Central Washington. How does “the DMZ” sound?

As far as Idaho goes, most said “North” stops where the time zone changes. However, former Gem stater and current Alaska resident Jeanie Layland said the border can be found when you go far enough south that “the snakes become poisonous.”

Let’s move on.

“Slice answer: Spokane’s Willene Wick said there are several Inland Northwest counties where not owning a gun might make some regard you as an oddball.

Considering Washington, she named Ferry, Stevens and Pend Oreille counties. Turning her sights on Idaho, she named Boundary and Benewah counties.

“Warm-up questions: When you are out walking around, how far away does a friend or co-worker have to be before you are absolved of the requirement to wave or otherwise acknowledge that person? Which state would Yeti prefer, Idaho or Washington?

“Today’s Slice question (finish this sentence): You can’t live in the Spokane area for long without picking up a lot of arguably useless knowledge about …