Doug Clark: What a long, strange Eugster trip it’s been

Buckle your seat belts and prepare for bizarre braking news.

Steve Eugster is on a quest to become …

A long-haul truck driver.

Yes. I’m talking about: the former councilman; the failed county commission candidate; the serial litigator; our legendary domineering know-it-allish civic pain in the …

… That Steve Eugster.

The Spokane lawyer is taking classes so he can one day steer an 18-wheeler across American highways, hauling loads of who knows what to who knows where.

Eugster even has a handle. He calls himself …

“Diesel McCoy.”

Go ahead. I owe you a moment to mop up the coffee you just snorted out your nostrils.

But it’s true. Eugster is as serious as a jack-knifed Kenworth on an icy interstate. He’s even talking about one day running his own trucking company.

“I’ve been practicing law 37 years. I need an adventure,” said Eugster when I asked that inevitable question: Why?

“I’m just a kid at heart. I’m just a 63-year-old kid.”

I haven’t been easy on Eugster over the years. OK. I’ve pounded on his public persona like a baby seal.

But that was the ornery intractable Eugster of old.

This Diesel McCoy dude is as friendly as a back-slapping fishing pal.

We talked 15 minutes Friday. Eugster was cheery and chipper. He told me he’d longed to be a gear-jammin’ man ever since his college days, when he drove a gravel truck during the summers.

And so in the interest of preserving our new-and-improved relationship, I will not take the low road today.

I will not go for cheap laughs, like claiming Eugster has finally stripped his gears.

I won’t make any road rage jokes, like bringing up that great old movie “Duel,” where Dennis Weaver is menaced by a maniacal trucker.

Nor will I suggest that Eugster’s first assignment should be hauling away the documents his lawsuits against the city and county have spawned over the years.

You know, if Eugster started hauling that paperwork tomorrow it would take him until August to finish.

August 2027, that is.

Sorry. I wasn’t going to say that.

No sir. I will instead applaud this man for having the guts to want to live out my favorite truck-driving tune:

“Six days on the road and I’m gonna make it home tonight.”

Side note: When I e-mailed Eugster about that song, he sort of slipped back into his old nitpicking persona.

“In the world of 48-states, driving is more 21 days on the road – and gonna make it home for a week or so,” he wrote in his return message.

Steve. It’s a song.

Honestly, if this man saw Christ walking on the water he’d probably say:

“Huh. Can’t swim, can he?”

Eugster is getting his instruction at Driver Training & Solutions, located in Spokane Valley.

But once you learn the intricacies of maneuvering an 80,000-pound rig, that’s only part of it. The truck driving lifestyle is a daunting challenge for many. Barbara Kayser, a recruiter for the company, said half of new drivers only last a year.

Eugster has spent a lot of time thinking this through. He said he won’t be leaving the law behind. He plans to use his trucker time for ruminating on legal issues and perhaps writing law reviews.

Personality quirks aside, Eugster is a brilliant guy.

And the joy he expresses for truck driving is infectious. “It’s the greatest thing in the world,” he said.

“What I like is using every bit of my intellectual and physical energy.”

For a moment I envision the two of us rolling down the ribbons of road together, like some weird lawyer variation of that C.W. McCall classic, “Convoy.”

I’ll need a handle, of course. I know. I’ll be the Rubber Dougie.

Rubber Dougie: “Hey, Diesel! That driver just cut us off.”

Diesel McCoy: “Uh, that’s a 10-4, good buddy. Looks like we got us a lawsuit.”