Cotillion helps kids feel like a million

Suited up in a knee-length tuxedo jacket, 15-year-old Nathan Heintz bowed slightly to the seated girl, held out a corsage and asked, “May I have the next dance?” With a fur stole flung across her shoulders and legs daintily crossed at the ankles, Lindsey Ingalls, 16, smiled and nodded her acceptance. It was enough to make Miss Manners blush with pride.

With a rustle of gowns, tugging of gloves and twitters of laughter, dozens of teens and pre-teens gathered Thursday night for a winter ball, sponsored by the North Idaho chapter of the National League of Junior Cotillions.

The winter ball capped months of classes in which students learned the art of dance, basics of etiquette and principles of ethics.

“I feel it’s important for our society to learn social graces,” said Suzanne Reid, of Hayden. She snapped photos of her son and daughter at the ball, held at St. Pius X Catholic Church in Coeur d’Alene.

The North Idaho chapter, now in its second year, is gaining in popularity. As the only chapter in the Inland Northwest, 140 students ranging from sixth to 10th grade attend from as far as Bonner County.

The goals, said chapter President Janelle Starr, are to provide young people a foundation for social interaction, increase their confidence and give them a jump-start on life.

“The purpose of the national league is to treat others with honor, dignity and respect,” Starr said, “for better relationships with family, friends and associates.”

The National League of Junior Cotillions began in 1979 in North Carolina. Today, the league has more than 400 chapters across the country. Originally, a cotillion referred to a 19th-century dance, but it’s come to mean a formal gathering where etiquette and dance are taught.

During monthly meetings at Post Falls’ Old Church Arts and Cultural center, students learn the basics of ballroom dance, including the fox trot, waltz and cha-cha. They master dinner etiquette, formal introductions and correct correspondence.

In today’s culture of text messaging and e-mails, people have lost politeness in daily interaction, Starr said. Young people especially avoid eye contact and fail to shake hands when greeting others, she said.

“It’s like a slap-and-walk- on-by kind of thing,” Starr said. “We’re teaching them to slow down, take a minute and show respect.”

On Thursday evening, young people greeted adults with smiles, handshakes and proper introductions. Wearing gloves, the girls removed one to shake hands.

Katelyn Stephens, 15, said most people her age aren’t savvy when it comes to greeting others.

“Shaking hands is kind of basic, but most people don’t grip properly. It’s sloppy. They don’t know when to let go,” she said. “I was probably one of those who would look at my feet a bit. Now, I feel prepared. I know what to do.”

She’s gained more confidence along the way – as well as ballroom dance moves.

“It is fun, but these are skills everyone needs,” said Stephens, a Coeur d’Alene resident. “If they’re going to go into any sort of business or work with people, they need good people skills, and this improves on it.”

A year ago, Threes Toscano enrolled her 13-year-old son, Christopher, in the class.

When the pair ambled through the North Idaho College campus recently, Christopher held open the doors for his mother – a courtesy Toscano thinks has been lost with time.

She also enjoys playing a spectator at the monthly events, where students gussy up in dresses and gloves, slacks and ties.

“You see all the kids dress up and no jeans at all. It just looks cute,” said Toscano, adding that Cotillion events are reminiscent of the 1950s.

“What we lost, we found in the cotillion,” said Toscano, of Hayden.

When Ben Grammer, 16, joined the cotillion group last year, “for a while I put up a fight,” he said.

The class was his parents’ idea, but it grew on him, he said.

“It makes you more enjoyable,” said Grammer, of Coeur d’Alene.

Before Thursday’s big dance, Stephens was looking forward to dressing up in a floor-length scarlet dress and using a dance card for the formal ball.

“It’s something I’m definitely going to put in the scrapbook. It seems so sweet, like out of a movie,” she said. “For a girl, it’s slightly romantic.”

During a refreshment break Thursday, the boys escorted the girls, gingerly picking up plates and glasses of punch for their partners and then seating them at a table.

The group teaches the students how to treat one another with respect, said Carrie Chase, of Coeur d’Alene.

“It helps them present themselves,” said Chase, whose son and daughter participate. “It helps them stand a bit apart.”