Doug Clark: I regret I have but one life to … oops, gotta go

“I’m not into (messing) up my life for a cause” – Zach St. John

Finally, a spokesman for the chickens of the world.

Oh, I know St. John was probably scared spitless when he uttered those now famous words to a Spokesman-Review reporter.

After all, the 18-year-old is facing a charge of felony assault on an officer of the law, stemming from his role in the bizarre Fourth of July “police brutality” protest by a group of self-professed anarchists.

The arrest of 17 social activists near the Riverfront Park clock tower is now a matter of intense debate.

I don’t want to waste my valuable space rehashing old details other than to point out that St. John is the only protester charged with a felony.

Police claim St. John tried to rough up an officer.

St. John counters that it was the cop who got physical with him.

Let the courts decide.

(COLUMNIST ASIDE – Quite frankly, I’m not surprised by what happened on the Fourth. This is exactly the sort of emotional outburst that can be expected when you take away the people’s right to blow off fireworks.)

But please, Zach, there’s no whining in protest.

Civil disobedience is a grand and noble American tradition.

Uncomfortable consequences often come when you stick your neck out for a cause.

So let me put it this way:

If you won’t do the time, don’t PICK UP THE SIGN!

Spokane police are such easy targets.

I know Chief Anne Kirkpatrick is trying. But her troops just keep tripping over their handcuffs.

Still, look at the bright side. At least none of the protesters got shot, shocked, suffocated or sexually harassed.

Oops. That last one applies more to the Sheriff’s Office and Washington State Patrol.

I do have a couple of thoughts on the star-spangled hubbub.

First off, I’m not buying the whole anarchist thing.

These protesters are way too organized to be actual anarchists.

(Organizing real anarchists would be worse than trying to herd cats.)

Second, what’s the deal with all the face-covering bandannas?

Is this a protest or the Dalton Gang trying to stick up a stagecoach?

I suspect what happened on the Fourth boils down to a bunch of annoying overwrought twits colliding with a bunch of thin-skinned overzealous cops.

I’m not complaining, mind you. Summer in Spokane is always a smorgasbord for the media.

The point is that St. John should suck it up.

I mean, what kind of world would we have if the great leaders of the past wimped out like this lad?

Martin Luther King Jr.

Real quote: “I have a dream.”

Zach spin: “I’d rather be sailing.”

Abraham Lincoln

Real quote: “Now we are engaged in a great civil war …”

Zach spin: “Wow. Who knew so many people would get shot?”

Mahatma Gandhi

Real quote: “A weak man is just by accident. A strong but nonviolent man is unjust by accident.”

Zach spin: “I know I’m fasting. But is one lousy maple bar gonna kill me?”

Patrick Henry

Real quote: “Give me liberty, or give me death.”

Zach spin: “Give me an iPod or give me an eight-track.”

Franklin Roosevelt

Real quote: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Zach spin: “I don’t know about you, but Eleanor and I will be hiding under the bed.”

Nathan Hale

Real quote: “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”

Zach spin: “Did I say my life? I meant your life.”

Winston Churchill

Real quote: “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities … because it is the quality which guarantees all others.”

Zach spin: “I’m not into (messing) up my life for a cause.”