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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Husband collects women’s items

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar The Spokesman-Review

Dear Annie: I’ve been married more than 30 years to “Ted.” He makes a very good salary, we own our house, and there is money in the bank. I’ve never been unfaithful, but I’m not sure I can say the same for my better half.

Five years ago, I was doing some major cleaning. When I moved boxes in the closet, I found some women’s items that were not mine. And not just one or two items – at least a dozen, and I don’t mean shoes.

I didn’t say a word for two weeks, and then I lost it. Ted travels a great deal and told me he found those items alongside the road. He didn’t see anything wrong with collecting them but promised not to do it again.

Well, I found similar items yesterday. Do I confront him? – Losing Sleep

Dear Losing Sleep: It’s possible Ted is telling the truth, or he may be cheating and keeps women’s attire as souvenirs. But we think Ted could be entirely faithful and those items belong to him. Your husband may be a crossdresser.

It’s time for a heart-to-heart talk. If he’s cheating, please seek marriage counseling. If he’s wearing women’s lingerie, contact Tri-Ess, The Society for the Second Self Inc. (tri-ess.org), P.O. Box 980638, Houston, TX 77098-0638.

Dear Annie: My husband and I opened a restaurant seven years ago. We love what we do. We have put every penny we earn back into the business, plus money from my wonderful in-laws. We have great friends who help when minor problems arise, but I’m tired of not making ends meet and worrying about the next bill or the next catastrophe. I’m tired of wearing worn-out clothes and going two years between haircuts so we have money for emergencies.

I don’t want to give up the business. My customers are like family. I take pride in knowing we have made it this far. But if the business goes under, we’ll be out on the streets. I know I am extremely depressed right now, but there’s no money for counseling, either. I’m just so afraid we aren’t going to make it. I don’t expect you to have the cure. I guess I just want someone to say it’s OK to be scared. – Sayre, Pa.

Dear Sayre: Of course it’s OK. The restaurant business is notoriously difficult, but if you love what you do and can manage to keep your head above water, you’re actually ahead of the game. And you CAN afford counseling. Your clergyperson is a good person to talk to, or check the local hospitals and university psychology graduate departments. Groups like Recovery Inc. (recovery-inc.org) also provide free programs for helping to deal with stress. Good luck.