Equal pay not just for the dogs

For the first time ever, Wimbledon is awarding equal prize money to both sexes.

(This brings it in line with most major dog shows.)

The world’s premier tennis tournament has decided that all players are created pretty much the same and, reversing a centuries-long worldwide tradition, has declared:

Equal pay for equal work.

(Sure, it’s not really “equal work” – men, after all, play best-of-5 sets while women play best-of-3 – but, females, in all likelihood, spend more time preparing for their matches. What, you think Serena Williams can pick out an outfit in under an hour?)

In a world where men are overbearing, women always have been undervalued.

The late Mother Teresa, doing unparalleled work, did not receive proper compensation. I guarantee you Aunt Jemima was underpaid. And, believe you me, my friends, you couldn’t pay Whitney Houston enough to live with Bobby Brown all those years.

(The old saying goes, “Behind every successful man is a great woman.” No. Behind most successful men is a woman who has been passed over for promotion.)

Even in my own dysfunctional family dynamic, I never understood the vast pay disparity.

My father would leave in the morning with a nice necktie on and come back in the evening with the necktie loosened; I had no idea what he did out there. My mother, meanwhile, would stay at home, 24-7, cooking all our meals, doing all the laundry and cleaning all the rooms, plus making sure all the children got bathed, clothed and sent to school properly.

Yet it was my father who got paid pretty well every two weeks and my mother who got nothing. Zip. No salary, no vacation, no pension and no benefits, other than the joy of watching my brother slide his garbanzo beans to the side of the plate every time she served them.

And thus it goes.

On the Forbes “World’s Richest People” list, there are 497 billionaires, of which 35 – 7 percent – are women. And of those 35, 34 inherited their money from fathers or husbands. Only one, Doris Fisher – who, with her husband, started The Gap in the late 1960s – is self-made.

So, blue jeans aside, essentially there are only two ways to become very wealthy in this world if you’re a woman:

1. Marry rich.

2. Oprah!

At Wimbledon, prize money was first awarded in 1968. Men’s champion Rod Laver earned nearly $4,800 and women’s champion Billie Jean King received about $1,800.

King complained about the earnings gap for years, but, hey, Billie Jean complained about a lot of things, so who’s going to keep listening?

In 1992, Richard Krajicek – the eventual ‘96 Wimbledon men’s champion – famously said, “Eighty percent of the top 100 women are fat pigs who don’t deserve equal pay.” Clarifying his comments, he later remarked, “What I meant to say was that only 75 percent are fat pigs.”

(Krajicek committed a couple of unforced errors here – one should never discuss women and weight and one should never back off a statement no matter how preposterous it is. What, you think I wasn’t paying attention during my multiple marriages?)

In recent years, the unequal pay gap kept closing. By last summer, women’s champion Amelie Mauresmo earned $1.117 million while men’s champion Roger Federer earned $1.170 million. The sexes were virtually indistinguishable in line at Wells Fargo.

Finally, in 2007, men and women will be paid equally at Wimbledon.

(This brings it in line with a handful of Wal-Marts.)

And, to think, way back in 1884 – the first year “ladies’ singles” were held at the All England Club – women’s champion Maud Watson got a silver flower basket worth 20 guineas and men’s titlist William Renshaw got a gold prize worth 30 guineas. In those days, of course, at least men held doors open for women and laid their jackets down over muddy paths.

We’ve come a long way, maybe.

Ask The Slouch

(Special Bengals edition)

Q. If Bengals owner Mike Brown spotted one of his players on “America’s Most Wanted” and subsequently gave information as to his whereabouts, would his reward money be subject to the NFL’s revenue-sharing agreement? (Paul Martin; Dayton, Ohio)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. When is the Bengals organization going to get with the times and change the stripes on their Bengal Tiger logo to white and black? (Mark Price; Parma, Ohio)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Will the Bengals have to go to no-huddle next season so their players can avoid associating with known felons? (Ed Smith Jr.; Schenectady, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Would it kill Pacman Jones to make it a Blockbuster night every once in a while? (Rusty Payne; McLean, Va.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley. (I consider Pacman Jones an “honorary Bengal.”)