Politicians get the Fever

You have your March Madness, which is a tournament that decides who is the No. 1 basketball team in the United States.

Then you have your Potomac Fever, which is a tournament that decides who is the No. 1 politician in the United States.

Both tournaments have hoopla, excitement, upsets, major players, a Final Four and people to call the action.

Given the similarities, there doesn’t seem to be any reason the analyst for one sport couldn’t handle the other sport’s X’s and O’s.

To test this premise, we have tried to imagine how ESPN’s Dick Vitale might handicap the current field of presidential hopefuls.

Hillary Clinton: Big-time player, baybeeeee. Force to be reckoned with. Good inside game. Deep bench. Comes from one of the top political programs in the country.

John McCain: Only one word to describe McCain: warrior, baybeeee, very defensive-minded. He has senior leadership going for him. And he is an emotional player, can get really, really hot. Trying to adapt his game right now.

Barack Obama: Whoaaaaa, I love this kid Obama. He’s a Diaper Dandy, doesn’t have a lot of experience but lots of potential. I have him on my All-Rolls Royce Team, a superstar at his position.

Mitt Romney: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, baybeeeee. I knew his father, George, when I coached the Pistons. Mitt’s record and strength of schedule – taking on the Democrats in Massachusetts – is awesome, baybeeee, but he needs to cut down on the issues turnovers.

Chris Dodd: I love this player, he’s awesome, feisty, smart, experienced. Can handle the rock, but hasn’t got the supporting cast to get him to The Big Dance. Could get some time as a No. 2, but right now looks NIT-bound.

Rudy Giuliani: Ohooooooooo, Rudy Giuliani, gotta love the haircut, baybeeee. Hustler, proven defender. Needs to show he can shoot the long area-code J, though. Key for Rudy is the transition game.

John Edwards: P.T.P.-er, baybeeeee, prime-time player, excitement galore. If he hits some trifectas early in Iowa and New Hampshire, watch out, could be shock city.

Sam Brownback: Yooooooooooooo, “What’s the Matter with Kansas,” baybeeee. Call him what you want, I call him Sam Throwback. Very conservative style. Likes to walk the ball up the floor, likes to Times Square the tempo.

Fred Thompson: Big-time player. I’ve got him on the bubble right now, baybeeeee, but if he gets into the game, he could be huge. Definitely a member of my All Rip Van Winkle Team – he’s a sleeper.

Chuck Hagel: Sorrrrrrry, Chuckie, but you go to your left too often to win the Republican nod. Conservatives have too many shot-blockers. If you try to score, you are going to end up eating a Wilson Sandwich.

Newt Gingrich: Definitely a member of my All-World B. Free Team for your name, baybeee, but I also have to put you on my All-Airport Team, a guy who looks good at the airport but doesn’t get any P.T. because he’s a Dow Joneser, too up and down.