Elder Maze: Readers share thoughts on aging
One of my joys in writing this column is the dialogue created with readers. This is only the fourth Elder Maze column, but I want to respond to some of my readers’ insights and experiences today. They remind me of important truths about aging.
Respect for Elders: An anonymous reader shared some painful insights in response to my recent column about respecting our elders. “Adam” eloquently reminded me that while respect for elders is so important, it is also critical that respect from elders is of paramount value. This isn’t a chicken-and-egg thing.
When people have children, they automatically become elders, at least relative to their children. Part of the direction elders set for their children involves the type and amount of respect they show their children. As they grow up, children find it much easier to respect their elders when they have been shown respect from their primary teachers – their parents.
But what happens when a child has been given little respect? Adam’s words saddened me. He believes he wasn’t respected as a child. I have no idea what his full childhood was like, but it is obvious he felt disrespected then and perhaps now.
Frankly, I’m impressed with the tone of his letter. His sadness and his anger are apparent; but so is his longing to be respected by his elders. I can only hope he and they can find the mutual courage to discuss his distress openly, caringly, honestly – and respectfully – before the gap is too wide to bridge.
“Another reader, an elder from Spokane, wrote touchingly of the respect she and her husband enjoy from their son-in-law and grandchildren. Their son-in-law is from another culture where respect for elders is taken seriously. Here is what “Mrs. Elder” says:
“When he enters our home, and it is often, he goes directly to Grandpa and kisses the top of his head. Grandpa is always seated, as he is a full leg amputee. This almost brings me to tears, to see the total respect he and his two sons show. The young boys, 11 and 18, always go and hug and kiss Grandpa on the cheek. It has always been this way. Certainly makes this old pair feel good.”
Me too! Would that all elders and children could feel and show this kind of respect and love.
Golden years, diminished power: A woman in Spokane tells of her struggles with a neighbor who is in regular conflict with the police and who has even threatened her. She spoke to the police on numerous occasions.
“One very condescending officer told me I ‘should not be afraid.’ What would the officers … say or do if all this happened to their moms?”
That seems like a reasonable question.
This woman enjoyed her home and her life in retirement until the neighborhood difficulties began. She wonders what she and other elders can do.
They feel powerless to make positive changes, even after contacting the appropriate authorities.
Elders don’t have the corner on feeling powerless in some neighborhood struggles. But they do feel a more intense vulnerability for reasons relating to age, health, income, etc. Perhaps readers can suggest agencies and/or programs in Spokane that can help elders feel safe in their own homes.
Geezer humor: One response to my thoughts on healthy geezer humor was from an adult child in Sandpoint who said in part: “You make geezerhood something to (almost) look forward to. OK, maybe not look forward to, but you do make it a lot less scary.”
Thank you. You realize that elders aren’t the only ones who need to laugh about aging issues. So do the children of elders.
We all can grin, giggle or guffaw at our situations and yet not put each other or ourselves down as persons. Reflect on the words of boxer Jack Dempsey:
“It’s the body that crumbles, not the soul.”