13-year-old still sucks her fingers

Dear Annie: I am a 13-year-old girl and a good student. I love my life except for one thing. I still suck my fingers.

When I was a baby, I never used a pacifier. I used my fingers. I have tried everything to quit. I did manage to give it up for about a year when my grandmother and I had a contest (if I stopped sucking my fingers, she would quit smoking). But when she died of breast cancer, I took it really hard and started sucking my fingers more than ever.

I realize that I put them in my mouth unconsciously, and when I do, I feel better. All my problems go away. Now I can’t sleep unless two fingers are in my mouth. I know it’s unhealthy and I want to stop, but I don’t know how. Please give me some tips. – Sick of Sucking

Dear Sick: You’d be surprised how many adults still suck their thumbs or fingers in private because it relieves stress. It’s a carryover from childhood that has become an ingrained habit. Most experts say children should stop doing this because of the potential damage to their teeth, so if you are having orthodontic problems, you really should stop. Common cures include covering your fingers with something unpleasant, such as vinegar or bandages. You also can try substituting something else when you are under stress, like painting, playing a video game, drinking a cup of hot tea, or calling a friend (text-messaging is ideal, since it would occupy your fingers). If you truly want to stop, we are confident you can find a way.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are both in our late 50s. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of young couples who have children. My husband is friends with all the guys, and I enjoy over-the-fence chit-chat with the females, but that is really all we have in common.

The problem is these neighbors think nothing of asking me to baby-sit, do mending, etc. I have offered to teach them to sew, but they don’t see the necessity. Without being rude, how can I extract myself from this without affecting the friendships? I don’t mind helping out in an emergency, but … – Underappreciated

Dear Underappreciated: This could be how those young neighbors find some common ground with you, but if you feel imposed upon, there’s a simple way to end the cycle. Say, “I’d love to help, but I’m just too busy today. Sorry.” Repeat as needed.