Thanksgiving time to make memories – good or bad
Can we really fathom it … the Pilgrims and Indians sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner after inflicting so much violence on each other? What a bizarre idea! That takes a truce (and bravery, to boot) to a whole new level, indeed.
However, the message of that story about America’s first Thanksgiving 350 years ago, is anything but bizarre: to put aside our individual cultural imperatives and differences and to come together as human beings, as we honor the bounty of our land – honoring that which sustains us.
It seems strange, but that’s still a big order, even today, considering the diverse group of diners that are standard fare at America’s Thanksgiving tables – family members, relatives and guests. This is a guest list that can include elders, kids, in-laws (yours, mine, ours, theirs,) and some soon-to-be in-laws, not to mention a few ex’s.
Has the message of that first Thanksgiving gotten lost in modern-day madness? Months before the actual Turkey Day, things start getting tense as we plan this holiday. We want to make our Thanksgiving celebration a perfect affair – to create a real “Norman Rockwell” scene. The food turns out perfectly and nobody says or does anything wrong; it’s a day with no ruffled feathers or hurt feelings. (In our dreams!)
Everything becomes a big deal. First of all there’s the decision about where to have the dinner – i.e., at my parents’ or yours, or, at my daughter’s house or your son-in-law’s estate? Well, who had it last year? Oh, it seems that we go there every year. And before that dust settles, the subject of the potluck and the menu pops up.
Every year we still do our best to come together, to enjoy food, family and tradition, at our Thanksgiving celebrations. Despite the arguments, the huffs, innuendos, door-slamming and those dreaded guests who had just “let it all hang out” in past get-togethers, we still return to the table each year with hopes that this year “things will be different.” But hope is not a plan, and things are rarely any different.
How could they be? This is our family … the good, bad and the ugly. And although we may not think so now, we’ll miss these holiday bashes when they’re gone. We’ll remember with a smile how our beloved, elderly aunt dribbled wine on herself and how funny she was when she got a little tipsy; and the kids … one of them would always manage to knock over the centerpiece, or spill their milk and then everyone would scurry to wipe it off the white linen tablecloth.
Some family celebrations appear to be idyllic, on the surface anyway. There’s no spilled anything … and if anyone gets mad, offended or hurt, etc., they just stuff it. And, of course, nobody drinks too much. That works but personally, a few sparks and personality clashes are what make this Thanksgiving holiday so famous, or should I say infamous.
Every year, the same person can be counted on to drink too much, and we can count on the same person to be offended by it. The family’s “bad boy” will be his usual insolent and arrogant self.
About half way through the dinner, there’s a feeling of impending disaster as Uncle Fred appears to be getting just inebriated enough to remind everyone of the time, 50 years ago, when our spinster aunt got “knocked up.” That’s it. Mom leaves the table in tears and a pall of silence falls over the table and none but the brave dare get the conversational ball back in the tension-filled air.
Poor Mom. Mom tries to make everything so elegant for all of us. But it’s hard to be elegant when there’s such a riot of activity, and what with Uncle Fred, and all. Was elegance ever more fun than this? We can be elegant when we’re having a safe and sane Thanksgivings at home alone, years down the road, after kids and grandkids have flown the coop and family numbers have dwindled.
Elegant dining has its place, I guess. But it lacks the things that define family meals, – the sharp edges of human interaction, our human foibles, and the inevitable, hysterical laughter. These are the things that make our Thanksgivings so memorable for years to come.
It’s true, we’re not risking life and limb in sitting down to celebrate earth’s bountiful harvest at our Thanksgiving dinner table. But today’s Thanksgiving celebrations still take some bravery and courage as we face with self-restraint, the Uncle Fred’s in our own families, and the rest of the wonderful hullaballoo.
Today’s Thanksgivings are indeed tomorrow’s memories.