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The Slice: A few more rules to gobble up
It has come to my attention that I didn’t quite cover everything last Thursday.
So today The Slice presents a Guide to Thanksgiving, Round 2.
Do: Go stand outside every once in a while, so you can come back in again and truly savor the kitchen aromas.
Don’t: Track in dog droppings.
Do: Offer to go out and try to hunt down some whipped cream.
Don’t: Do your pirate-speak voice and imagine that it sounds anything like a pilgrim.
Do: Tell your secrets for making exceptional gravy, pie crust or whatever.
Don’t: Fail to notice when people stop listening.
Do: Note that the Detroit Lions are one of a tiny number of NFL/AFL teams that existed before the Super Bowl began but have yet to play in the big game.
Don’t: Act surprised and say, “Hey, it seems like the Lions play every Thanksgiving.” (They do, in fact. It has been that way for a long time.)
Do: Try to relax.
Don’t: Go “gobble, gobble” while carving the bird.
Do: Aim to see if, for once in family history, your brothers can go 15 minutes without having an argument about the thermostat setting.
Don’t: Get your hands or feet near the children’s table.
Do: Debate which makes better holiday viewing, “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “The Wizard of Oz.”
Don’t: Keep yelling, “Mr. Martini – how about some wine” or “And your little dog, too!”
Do: Express an interest in your host family’s stories about childhood adventures.
Don’t: Say things like, “So I guess she was always considered the pretty sister.”
Do: Explain why Spokane is a good place to live, if you have guests from out of town.
Don’t: Assume that everyone will understand why you are obsessed with alley garbage pick-up.
Do: Ask your daughter’s boyfriend about his interests.
Don’t: Say, “So what do you do at that party-school college when you aren’t trying to get your sweaty paws on my little girl?”
Do: Tell where you were when you heard that JFK had been shot.
Don’t: Turn that into a competition.
Do: Feel free to go beyond numbing small talk.
Don’t: Start all your declarations with, “Things have been going downhill ever since …”
Do: Offer a toast.
Don’t: Quote eggnog-curdling lines from “Deadwood” or “Glengarry Glen Ross.”
“Today’s Slice question: For what are you thankful?