His gambling more than hobby
Dear Annie: I have been dating “Jesse” for six years. We recently moved in together. Within the last year he has started playing poker, both online and with his friends. Sometimes the games at our place last until 6 a.m. The online gambling is the real problem, though.
Every single day, as soon as he returns from work, he goes straight to the computer and starts playing. He won’t go anywhere with me. He’ll only stop gambling if I get angry. We have had discussions about it, but he sees nothing wrong because he is only playing for “small amounts of money.” And, of course, he claims his totals are up “overall.” He also says it’s the only recreational activity he really enjoys. I find it inappropriate and unattractive.
I don’t want to nag him all the time. Am I overreacting? Should I step aside? – Poker Widow in Ontario
Dear Poker Widow: Jesse has a gambling problem, even if it is only small amounts of money. If he doesn’t address his addiction, those small amounts could turn into major headaches, particularly when he is playing until the early morning hours and neglecting other things. This could affect his job, his bank account and his future with you.
Poker, especially online, is exceptionally popular. Jesse may believe he is engaging in a harmless hobby, and if the novelty wears off soon and his hours return to normal, we would agree. But if other parts of his life are suffering, or if the lost money starts to add up, it’s out of his control. Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org) offers a list of questions to determine if you are living with a compulsive gambler and how to deal with it. Contact them for suggestions at P.O. Box 157, Whitestone, NY 11357.
Dear Annie: What is an appropriate host gift for a male? I feel funny giving a man flowers, and since my friend doesn’t drink, I’d prefer not to give him a bottle of wine that he will never use. Any other suggestions? – In a Quandary
Dear Quandary: Try coffee or tea samples in a mug, a picture frame, candy or baked goods, a game, plant, coffee table book, kitchen gadget or even a jar of his favorite pickles. It doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. The idea is to say, “Thanks for inviting me.”