Doug Clark: Mayor Jane will clear sidewalks

I sold our two Spokane mayoral candidates short.

Dennis Hession and Mary Verner are way more vindictive and petty than I ever hoped for.

And you know what that means: It’s a win for Doug no matter which one wins in November.

I had steeled myself for an evening of drab, dull diatribe during Monday night’s Hession/Verner debate at the Bing.

Yet to my utter enjoyment, it quickly became apparent that these two politicians positively loathe each other.

The only thing Hession will admit to liking about Verner is her son. And to Verner, other than having a nice suit, Hession is a back-room despot who uses the public as a doormat.

But I don’t want to come off as one of those weenie fence-sitters. So, listen up, registered Spokane voters.

I want you all to vote for Hession.

Jane Hession, that is – the mayor’s wife.

Trust me. This is the strong mayor who can pound Spokane into the pavement of progress and prosperity.

I decided to create a Jane-for-mayor juggernaut after reading a Wednesday news story headlined, “Mayor’s wife accused of pushing protester.”

It’s columnist Christmas in Spokane again.

And I quote: “Police said a 63-year-old woman told them Tuesday that she was protesting outside the Bing Crosby Theater when she was pushed by Jane Hession.”

Still in debate mode, the mayor offered an opposing view. What really happened, he said, is that Jane merely moved the woman’s placard out of the way when the screaming Verner supporter invaded their space.

Either way, Jane is clearly the woman of action Spokane needs.

(Suggested campaign slogan: “Vote Jane. She’s a slam dunk!”)

Look. I’ve been aware of Mrs. Hession’s abilities even before her name appeared in a police report.

She’s bright. She’s articulate. She has charisma …

She has a black belt in pedestrian control.

Mr. Hession wasn’t up to dealing with the protester.

He would have hired an overpriced California consultant to draw up a position paper on protester protocol to be presented to the City Council three weeks from now.

Hey, speaking of protesters … Before the debate began I counted about seven anti-Hession activists on the street corners outside the Bing. About the same number held pro-Hession signs.

How embarrassing is that?

Here we are, the second-largest city in the state, and this is what passes for an angry mob?

Aw, I know my Mayor Jane effort is a long shot.

We’ll wind up stuck with Dennis or Mary. Whoopty-doo.

On a positive note, the Monday night debates were certainly a more wholesome departure from Spokane’s previous mayor. He did all his debating online with a fake high school boy.

There was one thing that annoyed me about the Bing event. Hanging over the stage was this big sign that said:

“KXLY … never miss a story.”

How ridiculous is that?

We’re talking about TV journalism. To be accurate the sign should have read: “KXLY … never miss a fender-bender.”

Or “never miss an opportunity to use the words ‘white stuff.’ “

The first five or six rows of the Bing were packed with Spokane union firefighters. That concerned me. Shouldn’t these public servants be back at the firehouse, making sure nobody’s chatting on the computer with an underage girl?

City Councilman Brad Stark showed up at the Bing, proudly holding his new baby boy.

The kid is a cutie. But I’m a little worried about Brad’s parenting.

This was a political debate. You should never expose children under age 6 to such high levels of lying.