Hot Potatoes: Let Iowa take the fall

I’m checking out reports from Huckleberries Online blog commenters that David Letterman said that U.S. Sen. Larry “Wide Stance” Craig was from Iowa instead of Idaho. Idahoans should hope this is true. After all, much of the country already mistakes Idaho for Iowa. Why not turn lemons into lemonade and take advantage of Letterman’s slip of the tongue. In wake of the current airport bathroom flap that has conjured a dark cloud over Idaho, er, Iowa, it might be nice to refer to the state’s senior senator until at least Sept. 30 as “U.S. Sen. Larry Craig, R-Iowa.” Mebbe we Gem Staters could dump our surplus russets and our stereotype as a haven for racists onto Iowa, too. Iowa could use a few bristles around its soft edges. The state’s image is squeaky clean. If memory serves me correctly, the biggest problem in Iowa (outside of its convoluted motto of “Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights We Will Maintain” is pool – which starts with a “P” and that rhymes with “T” and that stands for trouble. Idaho has a greater problem than kids hanging out in the pool room. We have a senator looking for a good time in airport bathrooms. Iowa has two U.S. senators, and it must have an airport somewhere. Mebbe Idaho can talk Sen. Craig into representing Iowa for the next 16 months, if he flip-flops on Saturday’s resignation announcement. It’d help us Idahoans get over our embarrassment. And no one outside the Pacific Northwest would notice.

Political scandal phases

In another monologue, Letterman said: “How about that poor Senator Craig from Idaho? … So he gets arrested in a men’s room there at the airport in Minneapolis. And here’s the deal now. He’s now in Stage One of a political sex scandal: defiance. Stage Two: stepping down to spend more time with his family. Stage Three: ‘I’m gay and I’m proud!’ ” … Jay Leno: “This whole thing has to be very frustrating for the Republican Party. All these gay sex scandals and they still can’t get any support from Hollywood” … French Fries (or, with apologies to Bob Salsbury/Spokane Valley, “5 reasons why Sen. Craig’s reconsidering his resignation”): 1. Demos are solidly in his corner; 2. Still has more support in Idaho than Congress has in nation; 3. Arlen Specter and Bill Sali have his back; 4. He knows where Senate skeletons are; and, 5. Layovers.

Last laugh’s on you

Washingtonians aren’t feeling Idaho’s pain, judging from the crowd reaction to the Craig parody “Tap Three Times” by Doug Clark and the Trailer Park Girls at Pig Out in the Park at Riverfront Park on Monday. You know, “tap three times with your loafer if you want me” (to the tune of Tony Orlando and Dawn’s “Knock Three Times”). Washingtonians were whistlin’ and hootin’ as the Spokesman-Review columnist and his band rocked out … But the laugh will be on you Washingtonians (read: “out-of-staters” on the Idaho side of the state line) when you’re charged twice as much as Gem Staters to launch your boat in Kootenai County waters next year. Payback, baybee … This edition of Hot Potatoes was brought to you by the No. 69,028. Or the number of views that Clark’s parody of Craig received on YouTube during its first six days of play, making it a monster hit. Or be careful when you listen to it. The tune gets in your head sorta like “It’s A Small World” from that Disneyland ride.