Others attending to what you eat not jealousy, just rude

Dear Miss Manners: I am a very health-conscious person. When I was a child, I was obese and picked on by my peers. But with hard work and determination, I have lost a lot of weight. The problem is, my family and friends, many of whom are overweight, don’t pay attention to their health.

When we go to social gatherings, I eat light foods and order diet sodas right in front of them. I always feel this cold mist of jealousy around me. Is this good manners? Or should I just indulge myself with them for that night?

Gentle Reader: “Cold mist of jealousy” is such a gripping term that Miss Manners is sorry to have to admit that she doesn’t know what you are talking about.

If others are jealous of your having diet sodas, why don’t they order their own diet sodas? But if you suppose that they are jealous of your figure, do you propose gaining back your lost weight to mollify them?

If so, please do not blame etiquette. If, indeed, others are unaccountably interested in what you eat when they have the pleasant alternative of loading up their own plates, it is they who are rude.

Dear Miss Manners: I find it interesting that you think ‘please’ is mandatory. If my 6-year-old daughter says, “May I please have some more water” in a rude, or otherwise unpleasant, tone, the fact that she included “please” doesn’t help, yet if she says “May I have some more water” pleasantly, I’m perfectly happy to pour some for her.

Gentle Reader: “Please” is mandatory and a civil tone is mandatory. What Miss Manners finds interesting is that you think you are entitled to only one or the other.

Dear Miss Manners: I am 47 years old. Four months ago, my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly. We had a very good marriage.

Is there an accepted protocol regarding a widower (or widow) wearing a wedding ring? I am sure most people will advise me to do whatever I feel happy or most comfortable doing. I appreciate that sentiment, but please advise me at to the proper etiquette in this situation.

Is there a certain “grieving period” in which it is expected that the surviving spouse wear a wedding band, etc.?

Gentle Reader: Etiquette has no strict rule about this. It should be a personal choice, and Miss Manners wishes she could tell you that no one else will have anything to say about it. But, of course, she knows they will.

They – Miss Manners assumes you can guess what demographic she means – will take it as a sign that you are ready to entertain the idea of finding another wife.