Can you relate?

It is a universal truth that the relationship between a teenager and his or her parents is complicated at best; the disagreements are unavoidable and permanent, at least until the child has reached adulthood.

Carol Shepley, founder of Growing up Matters, says on her Web site that “Teenagers need to learn how to get their needs met but without resorting to using control, power or manipulation.”

Teenage years are the “middle age” of youth. They are beyond the age where tagging along for errands with Mom is fun, but before the age where the errands become the teenager’s own.

It is often said, but rarely acknowledged, that independence is the largest yearning for teenagers.

“Freedom is definitely what we fight about the most,” 18-year-old Noel Wamsley, of Spokane, said.

Parents still have the main say in their children’s lives, and that in turn is greeted with occasionally bitter indifference.

From the parents’ standpoint, the child has left the days of Legos and crayons, the world both parties are familiar with.

They were once teenagers as well, something their own children have a hard time believing.

“She probably wants more freedom. Freedom to get more piercings and tattoos,” mother Carrie Storms said of her 16-year-old daughter.

The difference is, parents are not dealing with themselves this time around, they are dealing with their own children entering adolescence, practically an alien species.

“You don’t understand,” is a conflicting statement. On the one hand, it is untrue. Parents lived through adolescence with their own mother and father from hell; slamming doors and rolls of the eyes are all too familiar.

On the other hand, parents are living in a unfamiliar era where the source of teenage angst is not so simple as it was 40 years ago.

There are dozens of issues that cause fault between the opposing parties, ranging from homework and bedtime hours to house cleaning and car usage.

Bridget Freeman-Wamsley said that she and her daughters fight about chores and money.

When tempers flare and arguments erupt, a compromise is a peaceful and practical solution to a hairy problem because this allows the teen to be part of the decision-making process while allowing the parent to maintain boundaries, according to an article by Richelle Braun, executive director of youth success seminars.

Not everything about a teenager’s relationship with his or her parent is a nightmare. Tastes mature with time, and there is more to bond over beside a sugar-coated white lie on your mother’s part about how much she loved watching her teenager’s favorite movie for the billionth time.

“We get along extremely well,” said Joe Kory, the father of 14-year-old Zoe Kory. With camping, archery and attending concerts together, Joe and his daughter have many activities through which they strengthen their relationship.