August 18, 2008 in Features

The Slice


As far as we know, George Washington did not father any children.

But what if he had? What sort of lives would they have led? I’ll go first.

Bobby Washington: A real estate agent whose motto was “Now is a good time to buy.”

Monique “Boom Boom” Washington: An exotic dancer.

George Washington, Jr.: A lawyer who mostly played golf.

Tabitha Washington: Operated a tanning salon.

Cuthbert Washington: Got elected county commissioner out West despite a lackluster résumé.

Ezekiel Washington: Church rector who liked gardening.

Caitlin Washington: Known to her siblings as “the grandbaby machine.”

Spokane Washington: First president to be impeached.

Paul Turner

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