The Slice: A schedule for dog days of summer

Inspired by the uplifting debate about watering restrictions, I have come up with a proposal of my own.

Beginning July 27, I will be asking that only specific breeds of dog relieve themselves on my lawn on certain days.

I am hereby posting a schedule. If you ever walk your pet past my house, please familiarize yourself with it. If we can all just play by the rules, there will be no need for a harsh exchange of words.

Sundays: Herding Group. This includes border collies, briards, German shepherds, collies and corgis, among others.

I have elected to have these pooches kick off the week because they tend to be smart. These dogs can be relied on to be embarrassed if their humans are not carrying plastic bags.

Mondays: Working Group. Among the breeds in this category are the Akita, boxer, Great Dane, kuvasz, mastiff, Newfoundland and Siberian husky.

For an obvious reason, they are perfect dogs to have access to my yard on the first workday of the week. Some smaller canines arriving on subsequent days might encounter the Working Group droppings and, suspecting that dinosaurs are about, decide to move on, as they say.

Tuesdays: Hound Group. Among the breeds in this category are the always popular basset hound, beagle, dachshund and greyhound.

I’m granting them access to my yard on Tuesdays because, well, if you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. And I assume none of their owners have lawns of their own.

Wednesdays: Nonsporting Group. The lineup here includes bichon frise, Boston terrier, Dalmatian, standard poodle and schipperke.

The elegantly nicknamed Hump Day seems just right for these guys. Enjoy.

Thursdays: Sporting Group. The American cocker spaniel, golden retriever, Irish setter and Weimaraner are among the dogs represented here. I’m slotting them for this day because, in several foreign languages, the word for “Thursday” looks like a term describing what one of these barkers might do in my yard.

Fridays: Terrier Group. Among the pooches in this group are the cairn terrier, Norfolk terrier and Staffordshire terrier.

I’m penciling them in for Fridays because in the film version of “The Wizard of Oz,” Toto was a Cairn Terrier, and Friday always seemed like a good day for movies.

Saturdays: Toy Group. You know, Chihuahua, Maltese, Pomeranian, Yorkshire terrier and so on.

By this point in the week, my yard really needs a break and these guys are pretty small. Any questions?

So, OK. That’s it. I think it’s a workable schedule. Let’s see how it goes.

Oh, one more thing. I almost forgot.

Mixed-breed canines adopted from a shelter are welcome any day of the week.

Be sure to ask about my dog treat/pat-on-the-head special.

Also, I’ve got some extra plastic bags if you need one.

•Today’s Slice question: What part of your lifestyle most closely resembles a Spokane tourism promotion?