Situation puts strain on marriage
Dear Annie: For the past 20 years, it’s been my husband’s dream to bring his sister and her three children to the United States from a Third World country. After spending our life’s savings and countless hours of paperwork, they are here.
My sister-in-law is a wonderful woman, and I love her, but her two boys (12 and 18) have no respect for anyone or anything. We bought our dream house last year, and it’s slowly being destroyed. No matter how many times we have explained respect to them, they laugh. My sister-in-law has disciplined them, and they think she’s funny, too. I’m starting to think they have some kind of mental disability.
Another problem is, we have a small compact car and family outings mean there’s no room for me. My husband has promised one hour out of every week so we can have time for the two of us, but it’s been 12 weeks of nothing. I’m sinking deeper into depression, and my doctor has put me on antidepressants.
Our friends say they miss me, but enjoy my husband’s sister. He likes showing her off to our friends. I’m sick at heart. What can I do? – Neglected Wife
Dear Wife: The novelty of having your sister-in-law around will wear off eventually, but for the moment, you will have to find ways to deal with the situation. Is this a temporary visit or a permanent arrangement? If it’s temporary, put up with as much as you can. If she is planning to remain in the United States, help her apply for a green card so she can get a job and her own apartment as soon as possible. We doubt the children have suddenly become mentally disabled. Discipline should include having privileges removed or being confined to their room. They also should do chores to repay the cost of broken items. Then put your foot down with your husband. He needs to know your marriage is suffering, and he has a responsibility to work on it. He’s put his sister first for 12 weeks. It’s your turn.
Dear Annie: I am a 23-year-old man, still in school. I am asexual, and what bothers me is the number of people who automatically assume that because I don’t go running after girls, I must be gay.
I prefer hanging out with my friends, male and female. Even so, my parents, siblings and friends have all asked at some point whether I am gay. I tell them the truth, but none of them believes me. I’ve tried to make a joke out of it, but it’s starting to get annoying. – Not Interested
Dear Not: People generally understand “gay,” but they have trouble with “asexual.” You shouldn’t need (or try) to defend who you are, but you can educate the people closest to you. Contact AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, at asexuality.org for information and support.