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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

The gift of grab


MCT illustration
 (MCT illustration / The Spokesman-Review)
Virginia De Leon Correspondent

My 4-year-old son has the case of the “gimmies.”

Like the Berenstain Bears book with the same title, he often feels entitled to things – a sticker at the doctor’s office, a 99-cent Hot Wheels car at the checkout line or a gift each time we visit relatives.

“Where’s my present?” are often the first words that pop out of his mouth when he sees his grandparents.

I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow, in our hectic, overscheduled life, I may have gotten a little carried away with the gift giving. Maybe I felt too guilty for spending too much time at work. Or perhaps I was too tired, too terrified of the tantrum that I just ended up giving in.

So now we find ourselves in this strange, uncomfortable spot where my kid feels deserving of every gift in the world – infected with the “galloping greedy gimmies.”

Many kids – and adults, for that matter – want stuff.

Right now, my son is interested only in cheap toys and candy, but before long, he could be begging me for video games, a cell phone, designer jeans, expensive concert tickets, maybe even a car for his 16th birthday.

There’s a perception out there that youth in America feel more entitled today compared to those a decade ago. According to a 2006 survey conducted by the Sacred Heart University Polling Institute in Fairfield, Conn., nearly 83 percent of Americans surveyed strongly or somewhat agreed that a sense of entitlement is now much more prevalent among young people today.

So how can parents take a stand against all the consumerism that contributes to the gimmies? What can I do to avoid raising a spoiled brat?

Readers and members of The Spokesman-Review’s Parents Council recently weighed in on this issue when I asked for help on how to cure a case of the gimmies.

Like many experts, some of the parents suggested teaching kids about budgets and money management skills. Others spoke of the need to explain the power of peer pressure and advertising. A few also stressed the importance of learning to say “No.”

Laurie, a regular contributor to the online discussions, suggested giving children an allowance. By doing this, they get the opportunity to figure out how to budget, set priorities, calculate interest and other skills. “They can also learn the benefits of saving and self-restraint,” she wrote.

When Laurie’s daughter was about 5 or 6, she started receiving a weekly allowance of $3. She was instructed to save $2, but could spend $1 on whatever she wanted. Together, they calculated interest. After some time, her daughter’s savings went into the bank. Eventually, she had enough to buy a certificate of deposit.

At first, her daughter spent her $1 on “any little bauble that caught her eye,” Laurie wrote. “It took time – years, really – but eventually she came to realize that she was frittering away her spending money while the saving money was growing in leaps and bounds.”

Eventually, Laurie’s daughter started avoiding the toy aisle so she wouldn’t be enticed to spend every penny. But as her spending money grew, so did her resolve.

“Now, she can walk through previously tempting sections of the store with barely a glance; she has specific items in mind for her spending money,” Laurie wrote. “A few years ago, she saved up for a very nice music player. It was quite an achievement for her. She was rightfully proud.”

With the cost of gas, food and everything else going up, some families just don’t have the money to buy anything more than the bare necessities. Financial experts say that it doesn’t help to feel guilty when you can’t afford to send kids to camp or buy them the latest gadget. Instead, it’s always better to be up front about the family budget and give kids a lesson in economics.

Children can learn valuable life skills by watching their parents figure out a budget and sticking to it, experts say. It gives them an idea of how money can be difficult to earn, yet so easy to spend. Family members can challenge each other to improve their spending habits during this economic downturn by making a game out of saving, some say, or by at least being as transparent as possible about incomes and expenses.

Sometimes, the most obvious cure for the gimmies is a two-letter word: “No.”

Reanna, another contributor to the Parents Council blog, says she doesn’t have a problem saying “no” to her son’s numerous requests. Her son gets a moderate number of gifts for Christmas and his birthday and that’s enough, she said.

“I say embrace your rights as parents to just say ‘No,’ Reanna wrote. “Learning to deal with disappointment is another important part of growing up.”

In “The Berenstain Bears Gets the Gimmies,” Brother and Sister Bear throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want. So in addition to sitting them down to talk about the family budget, Mama and Papa Bear remind their children to be grateful for what they have.

Other parents also stressed the desire to impart an “attitude of gratitude” as well as showing children the beauty of simplicity.

On the Parents Council blog, Reanna wrote: “I also believe children suffer from an absence of the overwhelming appreciation that accompanies the rare gift or reward, and that’s a tragedy. When a person no longer appreciates the little things in life, can we realistically expect future generations to preserve our environment, promote a peaceful globalization, or secure the general welfare of fellow citizens?”

The Center for a New American Dream – an organization designed to help Americans become responsible consumers in order to protect the environment, enhance quality of life and promote social justice – also addresses this concern. The Center, which addresses the topic of “Kids and Commercialism” on its Web site, offers a number of tips, including: teaching children to be doers and creators rather than shoppers and buyers; growing your own food; supplying kids with sidewalk chalk, old cardboard boxes and other makings of creative play; and teaching kids empathy for others.

“It is always good to model what you preach – which can be the hardest part!” a reader named Brianna wrote on the Parents Council blog.

In a culture that cultivates materialism and commercialism, some say parents need to pay attention to their own habits – how they spend their time and money, the things they bring into their households, the friendships they nurture, the activities they value and the many other ways that all of us set an example for children.

A cure for the gimmies?

Here are some suggestions from The Center for a New American Dream, a Maryland-based non-profit that put together a list called, “Kids and Commercialism Action Tips:”

•Get rid of the TV.

•Remove the logos from clothes, theirs and yours. Talk with kids about why you’re doing this. Suggest to kids to design their own, personal logos.

•Parents who resist consumerism for themselves are the ones who teach their children to resist it.

•Teach children to be doers and creators rather than shoppers and buyers.

•Supply them with sidewalk chalk, old cardboard boxes and other makings of creative play.

•Grow your own food. Involve the kids. Teach your child of the connections within the natural world. Experience their beauty together. Talk about where things come from, who made them, what they are made of.

•Expose kids to other media – surrealist films, conceptual art exhibits (carefully selected), gatherings of interesting adult friends with non-mainstream stories to tell.

•Teach by example and conviction a set of values that allow kids to make their own choices.

•Teach kids empathy for others. Instead of buying toys, suggest they spend the money bringing some groceries to the local food bank.