The weather? We’ve got the answers
At some point, everything that can be said about the weather has already been uttered countless times.
So, when faced with yet another invitation to mumble the same old inanities, one option is to spout random lines from the movie “Jaws.”
Sure, it will sound like nonsense. But maybe then people will leave you alone.
One of the Others: “Can you believe these temperatures?”
You: “The height and weight of the victim can only be estimated from partial remains.”
OOTO: “I need to check the calendar and make sure it’s really June.”
You: “Love to prove that, wouldn’t ya? Get your name in the National Geographic.”
OOTO: “When’s summer going to get here?”
You: “You’re certifiable, Quint! You know that?”
OK, I can tell you’re not sold on this as a conversation strategy. So how about trying lines from “The Godfather”?
OOTO: “Who can we blame for this weather?”
You: “It was Barzini.”
OOTO: “I’m ready for some sustained sunshine.”
You: “You’re taking this very personal.”
OOTO: “What happened to summer?”
You: “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”
Insist on local flavor? OK, here’s a possible reply from “Benny & Joon.”
OOTO: “Do you think things will heat up after the solstice?”
You: “Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.”
•Looking ahead: Sure, tomorrow is a Friday the 13th. But then Saturday is Flag Day, which is sort of lucky for Fairfield, the town that celebrates the occasion. The kids’ parade is at 10:30 a.m. And the grand parade starts at 11.
I went one year and it was fun.
•Slice answer: Rosalyn Clark said people seeing her engaging in her outdoor recreation pursuit must be attracted to the activity. The Bonner County resident started a Monday morning hiking group in 1991 that had eight original members. Now it’s not unusual for more than 40 participants to turn out.
•Another Slice answer: “I once had a mother show up in my classroom for a school conference drunk and wearing a bikini and high heels,” wrote a teacher who asked that I not use her name. “She claimed she had fallen asleep sunbathing, but didn’t want to miss the conference. Her child and I both wished she had slept through it.”
•Today’s Slice question: If fewer local people visit far-away places, will the Inland Northwest become increasingly insular?