The Fathers of the future

You don’t really have to be all that old to have witnessed big changes in what we expect of fathers. Not that long ago, the job called for strong, silent breadwinners. Sure, some of these guys might have been emotionally repressed. But they provided for their families and they made good time on vacation road trips.

Today, in some circles at least, being a dad is a role played by nurturing co-parents vaguely leery of their own maleness. It’s a decidedly different take on fatherhood, one less rooted in gender stereotypes.

So what’s next?

Each generation tends to regard itself as the apex of social evolution. But perhaps we’re not done changing just yet. Maybe the future’s models for fatherhood will look different.

After all, the parenting ground has been shifting underfoot for decades. Why would anyone think that won’t continue beyond 2008?

Of course, it needs to be noted that in reality there always have been lots of different kinds of fathers. There were sweet, sensitive guys in the 1950s. There are rigid, emotionally distant dads today.

That diversity is certain to continue. Still, societal expectations of American fathers provide a template that is difficult to ignore. That mainstream vision of how a dad is supposed to act serves as a basis for comparison, if not universally adhered-to marching orders.

Chances are, fathers of the future won’t seem altogether new. They might simply reflect a slightly shuffled deck of behaviors or a reconfigured emphasis on values some pioneering dads already embrace today.

But let’s try to peer into tomorrow and check out the next models for fatherhood.

Broadened definition

Before even discussing what it is that fathers do, maybe it makes sense to acknowledge the broad spectrum of guys who are doing it.

“I think one area where we may see changes in fatherhood in the future is an increasing recognition as a society that fathering takes place in a wide variety of family circumstances, not just in traditional two-parent families,” said Matthew Bumpus, assistant professor in the Department of Human Development at Washington State University.

“Noncustodial fathers, stepfathers, single custodial fathers, grandfathers raising grandchildren, et cetera – men in each of these roles have the potential to dramatically influence their children, and I wonder if we will see continued broadening of our definition of what it means to be a father.”

Keep an eye on the Father’s Day cards selection in years to come.

Fathers who take an interest in kids other than their own

Such men have been around for a long time. Lots of now grown-up guys have fond memories of supportive Little League coaches, encouraging Scoutmasters and what have you.

But Darin Christensen wonders if reaching out beyond your own family might one day be the norm.

“We see fathers stepping up and saying, ‘You know, it’s about more than just my kid. It’s about the community as a whole,’ ” he said.

Christensen is CEO of Big Brothers/Big Sisters of the Inland Northwest.

He said the mindset is no mystery. He characterized it this way: “If I can help other kids get a little more perspective on their potential and opportunities, I am going to improve the environment my own kids are in.”

Dads who read to their kids

The National Center for Fathering recently completed a survey titled “Fathers’ Involvement in Children’s Learning.” The project was an updating of a 1999 study.

The researchers found that a greater percentage of fathers now take a child to school, help with extra-curricular activities and attend class events.

One area where dads have not significantly become more involved is in reading to their children. Thirty-eight percent said they never do, as opposed to 40 percent in 1999.

But that almost has to change. The survey indicates that more and more fathers now discuss fathering with other dads. So it stands to reason that as more fathers hear about the deep-down joys of reading to your kids, a greater number of dads will do it in the future.

The George Jetson skill set

Spokane’s Michael Gurian, author of “The Wonder of Boys” and “The Wonder of Girls,” said the effective and successful father of the future will be a man who:

•Bonds with his kids well, though differently than mom.

•Teaches his kids how to partner (with a future life-mate) in ways based on equality.

•Teaches them independence and helps them learn to do things for themselves.

•Models and teaches character and morality, offering clear explanations of why he thinks something is right or wrong.

•Provides an example of authenticity.

Freestyle paternity

Yes, there are fathers who view their own dads as role models.

It’s also true that some contemporary men passionately reject their own fathers’ examples and seek to chart a parenting course 180 degrees from what they experienced growing up.

You can judge for yourself whether some of these backlash models are preferable to the originals.

But perhaps the fatherhood-styles buffet now includes enough choices that dads of the future will be able to select a parenting approach that is not necessarily a commentary on their own family tradition.

Americans’ increasingly flexible attitude about religion suggests that this scenario might be plausible.

Fathers confident that they matter

“People are understanding that a father’s involvement does make a difference,” said Peter J. Spokes, president of the National Center for Fathering, based in Kansas City. “It makes a difference for children in a whole host of ways.”

Maybe that’s common sense. But studies now back it up, said Spokes:

“What’s happening is people’s appreciation of the role dads play is growing and dads are getting more involved as a result of that, and they’re enjoying it.”

And in the future? He sees less pop-culture depictions of fathers as ineffectual buffoons and more recognition of reality.

“That resonates with dads,” Spokes said, “but it also resonates with moms.”