Annie’s Mailbox: Root out husband’s unsociability

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our early 30s and have three kids. I am very sociable, but my husband is not. When we were dating, we went to other couples’ homes for cards, pool or darts. His friends were all retirement age, but they still were fun to be around.

Now we’ve moved back to our hometown, and many of our friends are doing the same. This should be a great opportunity to socialize with people our own age, but my husband would rather sit in front of the TV. If I invite people over, he makes everyone feel unwelcome. On the rare occasions when we go out, he accuses me of sleeping with any man I talk to.

I am about to lose my cool. I’m only asking to get together with friends once every month or two, but it’s too much for him. I feel like I’m in jail. I resent his ridiculous accusations, which indicate a lack of respect for me. He will not consider counseling. I have tried for four years. What do I do? – Suffering in N.D.

Dear N.D.: Not everyone is social, and there are a variety of reasons why. However, if your husband is unwilling to address the issue and, worse, prevents you from deriving enjoyment from your friends, it is a problem. It’s possible he fears losing you (hence the retirement-age friends) or has an anxiety disorder and the accusations are intended to convince you to stay home with him. You can get more information through the National Institute of Mental Health at (866) 615-6464.

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I (both in our 50s) live together. Five years ago, we purchased a home in another state and will move there when he retires in two years. In the meantime, I sold my house and moved into his.

My boyfriend is a widower. He has a large picture of his late wife hanging near the entryway. I asked him to take it down out of respect for me. He says that would be disrespectful to his late wife’s memory. What is your opinion? – Unhappy Housemate

Dear Unhappy: Yes, he should move the picture to a less prominent place. It won’t be disrespectful to his late wife, but leaving it in the entryway is disrespectful to you. It sounds like he may be having some difficulty letting go. You are moving into a new home in two years. Perhaps you can compromise. Leave the picture where it is with the understanding that when you relocate, it will be hung elsewhere. Have something more current ready to replace it. His late wife is no threat to you. Please treat his memories delicately.