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When you gotta go, you gotta go

Thu., June 26, 2008, midnight

At first, Ralph Bartholdt thought the brain trust behind the Spirit Lake lawn mower races earlier this month had scrimped on the porta-potties. Which presented a major problem because Old West Hardware and its bathroom across Maine Street were shut for Father’s Day. With the beep-beep-beep signals sent by his bladder to his brain growing stronger, Ralph watched as a red-faced man from the throng rattle the door of the hardware store in vain – and then thought darkly: “There were many people and a lot of tattoos, but not enough potty huts to support the water and coffee crowd at a T-ball game.” But the Spirit Lake race watchers weren’t a water-and-coffee crowd. They’d been primed with junk food and beer. Which runs its course quickly. All this is recorded in The Skinny on North Idaho blog that Ralph compiles with S-R reporter Taryn Hecker. As Ralph mulled the prospect of marking his spot publicly as he saw a dachshund do, a miracle occurred. He sighted another potty hut and then another scattered frugally along the race route “like flowers adrift of a garland.” He’d been blinded by his own emergency. In the end, Ralph decreed contently: “What, after all, is a Father’s Day without a burger, a plastic mug of beer, a lawn mower driven by an orange-haired boy in jeans and a dirt bike helmet pushing 42 mph and ample potty huts?”


Poet’s Corner: As he limps from the stage/attention is lacking/and nobody listens/while he keeps on quacking – The Bard of Sherman Avenue (“Lame Duck”) … If there were an award category for best use of alliteration by a blogger, Jill Kuraitis of New West Boise would be in the running. She posted this headline on her commentary of that Wall Street Journal story about Independent Rex Rammell’s quixotic race for the U.S. Senate: “Will Rex Rammell’s Run Ruin Risch?” … Quotable Quote: “He’s a piece of (expletive)” – Perry County (Ill.) Sheriff Keith Kellerman to KREM2 re: former Illinois resident Charles William Smith, 29, who, along with his galpal Christina Haynes of St. Maries, is accused of severely abusing Haynes’ 3-year-old daughter, Kyra Wine … Attorney Scott Reed had hoped to sell 50 books at his autograph party at the Coeur d’Alene Library for his new book, “The Treasure Called Tubbs Hill.” He sold 310. Scott told Huckleberries Online: “I signed books for two hours. It wasn’t me. It was the hill. Everyone seemed to have a story about their experience with the hill. One guy told me that he moved here from Spokane. He didn’t like Coeur d’Alene when he first moved here. Until he saw Tubbs Hill” … Berry Picker Eagle Eye spotted a sure sign of summer Friday morning: “It is officially summer in CdA. I spotted Thong Man in his full glory down at the NIC beach. It looked as if the buns were just lightly toasted!”

Parting shot

D.J. Nall (aka Frum Helen Back) of the Hauser Thoughts blog fretted for days about visiting her “beautiful, young, skinny” female doctor for an annual physical. After all, grandmotherly D.J. had neglected to tell the BYSFD that she smoked. Therefore, she couldn’t explain without feeling sheepish how she’d gained a few pounds since she quit. She hadn’t exactly lied about smoking on the health form, temporized D.J., because she always quits the morning of a physical. In a recent post, D.J. agonized:Maybe she won’t say anything. Maybe all my tests will still be fine. Yikes, I’m feeling like a sneaky little kid about to get caught.” Finally, she decided what to do if BYSFD mentioned her weight: “I’ll just tell her that I’m pregnant.” BYSFD didn’t comment. Which prompted D.J. to post sheepishly later: “When will I learn not to get all work up about such things?” She speaks for all of us.

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