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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Annie’s Mailbox: Grandkids worth fighting for

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar The Spokesman-Review

Dear Annie: When my daughter, “Caryn,” was 18, she ran off with a fellow and eloped. We had no contact for six months. A year later, she gave birth to a son. Within two weeks, she was divorced and living with us.

We helped raise “Noah” while Caryn finished school. She then married “Vince” and moved out. Everything was fine until they had their first child. Suddenly, Noah was a liability, and when he was 12, they put him in a mental institution. I think Vince told her to get rid of the boy. After a few days at the institution, counselors discovered Vince had been using our grandson as a punching bag. He’s been living with us ever since. Caryn spends a few hours a month with him, and I guess that makes her feel she’s fulfilled her parental duties.

Noah is in high school now, making good grades, and all he would like is a little attention from his mother. I’m afraid this is never going to happen because Vince is a control freak. They have two children, and if we don’t do everything Vince says, he won’t let us see them. He has threatened to leave Caryn and take the kids. Vince has a lot of powerful connections in this town. My daughter is terrified of him.

We contacted Noah’s birth father and he has re-established a relationship with his son, which is good. Right now, we are prohibited from seeing the other grandchildren because I bought one of them a stuffed toy to play with at my house and Vince accused me of teaching them to hide things from him. As much as I love the kids, I’ve decided it is not worth the fight. Is there anything I can do? – My Heart Stays Broken

Dear Broken Heart: We think those grandchildren are worth fighting for. Caryn isn’t likely to spend more time with Noah, but frankly, he’s better off with you, so don’t emphasize her absence. Help him accept her as she is. Try not to rile Vince so your home can be a safe haven for Caryn and the other grandchildren. Then call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at (800) 799-SAFE (800-799-7233) and ask what you can do to protect your daughter and her children.

Dear Annie: I had to laugh at the letter from the woman who said she used recordings of crickets, waves and wind to drown out her husband’s snoring. If that works, her husband’s not much of a snorer. I’d have to use a recording of cannon fire. – Sleepless in Palmdale, Calif.

Dear Palmdale: As long as you don’t blast the 1812 Overture and wake the neighbors. Thanks for the laugh.