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The Slice: Talk about your flagrant fouls

Fri., March 21, 2008

Remember, you have rights as a patient.

Even today.

If you are in a Spokane area hospital and suspect that someone about to administer a drug to you is actually paying more attention to basketball on TV, it’s OK to politely ask that person to focus on the task at hand.

At least during the first half.

“Relax, you’re normal: Not understanding a few buttons on your new TV remote control doesn’t make you a dope.

“Just wondering: How many people around here remarry their ex?

“Just wondering II: Has anyone had to make tough choices because of the college basketball tournament starting during Holy Week?

“Threat assessment: A colleague forwarded something that struck me as interesting.

I want to tell you about it, but I have to back in to this discussion.

There’s this nonsensical tough-guy expression that’s just on the unprintable side of the newspaper’s bad-taste line. Many of you have heard it.

It usually pertains to threatening to beat someone up, to seeing your favorite team trounce its opponent, et cetera.

The first half of this mildly vulgar phrase is “whoop.” The second half is a synonym for backside.

It is most commonly used in the declaration “I’m going to open up a can of (insert full expression here).”

Often, it’s really more comic bluster than genuine menace.

Anyway, some creative online type came up with a list of alternative ways to threaten to dispense servings of same.

For instance, “I’m going to decant a half carafe of (fill in the blank) on you.”

“Don’t make me take the rubber band off this bundle of organic (fill in the blank).”

“I’m defrosting you that whole Costco bag of (fill in the blank).”

“I am prepared to foam you up a hot mug of (fill in the blank).”

Anyway, my colleague wondered about asking Slice readers for uniquely Spokane-ized versions.

It’s a fun idea.

I probably can’t print anything you come up with. But there’s something to be said for independent study.

“Today’s Slice questions: Long ago, I worked with a couple of guys named Bob Lowe and Clark Hallas. They often teamed up on projects. And over time, their co-workers became so accustomed to thinking of them as a unit that people routinely referred to them as Lowenallas.

Then there was a Spokane workplace where two guys who had similar jobs were known to almost all as Larry and Jerry. I’m told not everyone was certain which was which.

Do you have a work partner with whom you are thought to be joined at the hip? What are the advantages/disadvantages?


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