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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Some diplomacy, Obama style

Kevin O'Brien Cleveland Plain Dealer

President Bush had some harsh things to say about appeasers the other day.

Bush didn’t have anything to say about Barack Obama, but a lot of people in the media concluded that it was a swipe directed at the very junior senator from the state of naiveté.

And Obama, the guy with the campaign Web site declaring himself “the only major candidate who supports tough, direct presidential diplomacy with Iran without preconditions,” was pretty quick to jump up and down, confirming that the shoe fit.

“George Bush knows that I have never supported engagement with terrorists,” he sniffed.

Gee, maybe that’s why Obama’s name never came up.

Or could it be that Bush laid a trap for Obama, Obama leaped obligingly into it and now the Obama Doctrine – let’s talk – has reared its empty head yet again?

If that’s the case, remind me again which of these guys is supposed to be the clever one and which is supposed to be the stupid one.

But let’s put that aside, which is what we’re supposed to do whenever Obama steps in it, and say Sen. Smoke and Mirrors gets himself elected president.

Why not fast-track the fence-mending by getting the whole Axis of the Alienated together for some tough, direct presidential diplomacy?

Obama: First of all, I’d …

Kim Jong Il: Silence! I will make the welcomes.

Obama: Just a minute, Mr. Kim. That was disrespectful to me, and I called this meeting.

Hugo Chavez: But now that we’re here, it’s no longer your meeting. It’s our meeting. I’m sure you recognize that we’re all superpowers here.

Raul Castro: Not us. Does anyone need a client-state?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: DEATH TO THE ZIONIST ENTITY!

Obama: Now, Mr. Ahmadinejad, that’s completely uncalled for …

Bashar al-Assad: Nonsense. A lot of us have been calling for it for years.

Ahmadinejad: DEATH TO AMERICA!

Assad: That, too.

Jimmy Carter: He’s right, you know.

Obama: Did I invite you?

Carter: No. I just dropped by to promote understanding.

(The phone rings.)

Obama: Hello?

Osama bin Laden: Sorry I’m late, infidel, may the jackals pick your sun-baked bones.

Obama: Jeez, you sound as if you could be next door.

bin Laden: Nice try, grandson of a racist. Am I on speaker?

Obama: Yes. Now, I’d like to get started.

Chavez: No one cares what you’d like.

Obama: OK, maybe I could have phrased that better. I’m human, you know.

bin Laden: No, you are an infidel. Big difference.

Obama: If I stipulate to that, can we get started?

Raul Castro: Don’t try to confuse us with big words.

Obama: What I need to hear from you is what it would take for you to stop hating us.

Kim: Nuclear toys. And Hollywood Westerns. Beta format.

Chavez: Colombia, for starters.

Castro: Can we send you some more criminals?

Ahmadinejad: GLORIOUS NUCLEAR DEATH TO AMERICA AND TO THE EVIL ZIONIST ENTITY!

bin Laden: Works for me.

Assad: I’m a moderate, so I’d settle for 5.5 million Jews treading water.

Obama: Steep demands, gentlemen. Is there anything I could say in my perfectly modulated, hypnotically beguiling voice that would change your minds?

(Sustained, general laughter.)