The Slice: Office party get the ax? Not to worry

Times being what they are, there’s a good chance a lot of us will miss out on an annual classic next month.

To save money, more than a few businesses are probably going to eliminate the office Christmas party. And you know what that means.

Yes, there will be no official pinnacle of the Pointless Small Talk Season this year.

Don’t despair. The Slice is ready to step in and fill that void.

Just imagine that your workplace holiday gala is in full swing.

Some blandly seasonal music is playing. That one butt-kisser is laughing too hard. Dresses are being critiqued. You have a yellowish hors d’oeuvre in one hand and a cup of punchless punch in the other.

Now all you have to do is listen.

•“I guess they didn’t want to cough up what it would have cost to hold this at the Davenport.”

•“Hey, didn’t you grow up in one of those Eastern Washington counties that votes like it’s in Oklahoma? What’s up with that?”

•“Have you seen Carter? He looks like he’s auditioning for a part in ‘Mad Men.’ ”

•“I think what we all need to do is start dancing like the kids in ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas.’ ”

•“So how obvious have you been about averting your eyes from the holiday festival of headlights?”

•“People’s spouses keep telling me they thought I’d be shorter.”

•“So gas came down a little. I guess we won’t ever have to worry about energy again.”

•“Remember when Jim West or somebody wanted to change the name of Eastern to Spokane State University?”

•“I’m sick of that guy Rick winning the football pool every week.”

•“These skinny people who say they can’t gain weight haven’t tried fruitcake and egg nog.”

•“All the empty desks at the office creep me out.”

•“Have you heard the rumor about America’s favorite couple?”

•“You’re Blasky, right? What is it we always wind up talking about?”

•“One thing about Spokane baby sitters, they know their CPR.”

•“So are you still hearing about sending that e-mail to everybody?”

•“When I post a comment on a blog, I use my cat’s name.”

•“Can you tell from my breath that I’ve been eating hummus?”

•“I’ve met eight Spokane mayors. How about you?”

•“With all those people around, I was surprised that she gave me my flu shot in my backside.”

•“I have a devil of a time flossing my back teeth.”

•“These parties just aren’t the same since the no-alcohol rule.”

•Today’s Slice question: In what percentage of Spokane area couples does the woman not only select the card and address the envelope but also sign her husband’s name as well as her own?