Go on trip regardless
Dear Annie: My sister and I are very close. We had our weddings a month apart and are guardians for each other’s children in the event of death. In the past, we’ve often celebrated our wedding anniversaries together.
A year ago, my husband and I were coming up on a significant anniversary and wanted to do something special. I suggested we take a trip overseas with my sister and her husband to mark the milestone. They agreed.
After much back and forth, I pressed my sister to pick a specific date and was blindsided when she announced that her husband had invited another couple to come along. I had met this couple only once, several years ago.
I was speechless. I informed my sister that this was not what we had in mind and it would be weird to be the fifth wheel. My sister agreed and said it was her husband’s responsibility to dis-invite them. A few weeks later, I discovered the other couple had made reservations at the same hotel at the same time.
Suddenly, this is a different trip from what I had planned. I am so resentful, I don’t know how to handle it. What do I do? – Between Family and Friends
Dear Family: Clearly your sister and brother-in-law find these joint vacations a bit insular and wanted to spread the joy around. They should not have invited these friends without clearing it with you first, but it serves no purpose to travel with a chip on your shoulder. Try to make the best of it and consider that you might have a wonderful time in spite of the change in the arrangements. We wouldn’t plan any future vacations with your sister, however, unless you both agree on the ground rules.
Dear Annie: I am a middle-aged woman who has been married and divorced twice. I have been dating “Dave” for the past year. He is divorced and has three children. I love all of them very much, and the kids have bonded with me.
Dave has asked me to marry him. The problem is, he doesn’t defend me when his catty friends say nasty, hurtful things. I have asked him why he won’t speak up on my behalf, and he replies, “I don’t want to upset them. They might get so mad they won’t want to be friends anymore.”
Should I marry him and hope he’ll change, or should I say goodbye now– In Love and in Pain
Dear In Love: You could try being more cordial and welcoming to his friends and see if you can turn this around. But either way, Dave needs to tell them that you are going to be his wife and they must treat you with respect. If he is unwilling to do this, you may as well cut your losses.