Too young to settle - keep options open

Dear Annie: I am a freshman in college and have been with my boyfriend, a senior in high school, for two years. Before I graduated, we were inseparable. Now that I’m two hours away, it’s taking a huge toll on me.

I started out liking my college, but now that it’s kicked in that he’s not here, I’ve begun to hate it. We agreed that next year when he graduates we’ll attend the same college. We’ve even selected the school we want. Our families and friends, however, think that’s a bad idea. They say we’ll end up resenting each other down the road.

Please tell me, Annie, is this a bad idea? We are young, but we do love each other. And the last thing I want is to have him resent me. – Missing Him

Dear Missing: Whether or not you’re in school together, the problem is the same. Being at college can be eye-opening for one’s social life, and frankly, we think it’s healthy to widen your options at that age. Your boyfriend may look around and decide he’s not ready to commit to one woman. How would you feel if he wanted to date others? If you are fair to him (and yourself) and allow each other the freedom to see other people, he won’t resent you, although you might not like the choices he makes.

Dear Annie: My beautiful wife, who is considerably younger than me, has allowed herself to gain more than 100 pounds over the last two years and is now in a state of semi-disability. She walks up and down steps like an elderly person, asks to be let off at the door to wherever we drive, and has me do things for her at home so she can avoid walking up and down stairs. She can no longer stand long enough to cook meals of any complexity.

She says she is not depressed, and a counselor we saw for an extended period of time agreed. The counselor told me nothing will make my wife lose weight until she is ready, and that it is counterproductive for me to mention it. I am frustrated and resent what my wife has done to herself. I’m sure she’d feel the same way about me if I were to become, say, an alcoholic.

I work hard to remain fit and feel cheated that my wife has let herself go. What can I do? – In Distress

Dear In Distress: Not much. The counselor could be mistaken about depression, and some people use weight as a way to control those around them. However, gaining so much in such a short period of time could indicate a medical problem. Suggest your wife get a complete checkup because she is at risk for developing diabetes. Tell her you love her and want her to stay well. Make this about her health, not her size.