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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Teach the parent teach the child

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My friend has a 7-year-old daughter, “Lindsay,” who is completely out of control. It’s almost like she has no conscience. Lindsay needs to be the center of attention all of the time and always has to have her own way. She’s quite a negotiator, and the word “no” is not in her vocabulary. She lies constantly. You can see her say or do something, and then she will deny it and cry.

Lindsay steals things. She has no friends. Her grandparents dote on her. Her mom yells idle threats and never follows through with discipline. What will this child be like in a couple of years? She is very intelligent, which only makes her think she can get away with anything. So far, it’s working.

I am in this girl’s company a lot, so any help would be appreciated. – Concerned in Connecticut

Dear Concerned: Are you in a position to teach this girl how to behave so others will like her? Are you able to talk to her, quietly and privately, and explain that trust is hard-won but easily lost? If you are friends with Mom and see Lindsay only in her company, we recommend you find some parenting books and give them to Mom as a Christmas gift, saying you (or people you know) found them useful and you thought she’d enjoy them. We feel sorry for children whose parents are afraid to raise them with respect and discipline.

Dear Annie: My father’s family has held an annual reunion for 41 years. We usually take a long weekend and go to a campground.

The problem is my cousin Ralph’s wife, “Rose.” For the past 20 years, she has invited her extended family and their friends (about 30 people) to attend our family reunion. We always try to make them feel welcome, but it’s becoming difficult. Now there is no additional space available to reserve at the campground, so at our annual family meeting I made a motion that future reunions be limited to our family members only. Everyone approved, but when we discussed it privately with Ralph and Rose, she became enraged and we did nothing.

We all agree something needs to be done to reclaim the family reunion, but we don’t know what. Your comments, please. – Not Related in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: After 20 years, Rose thinks this is her personal reunion. Some families wouldn’t mind the extra people (you can give out nametags to differentiate family members), but since you do, tell her the extended group will no longer be accommodated and let her get angry. She can reserve her own campground area if she insists on bringing people, or you can move the reunion to an indoor location and refuse entry to anyone who is not a family member. But you must have the backbone to follow through or Rose will be hijacking this reunion forever.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar write for Creators Syndicate.