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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Correct name error on first mistake

Judith Martin

Dear Miss Manners: At a small dinner party, the hospitality was excellent except for one problem: As we sat down to dinner, the hostess called me “George.”

This is not my name.

I did not want to embarrass her by correcting her, so I let it pass. I assumed that one of the other two guests (one of whom was my wife) would discreetly set things right by addressing me by my actual name in front of the hostess, or by whispering in the hostess’s ear in the kitchen.

This did not happen, and, not only did the hostess keep addressing me as George with increasing frequency, but her husband (who has got my name right in the past) began to call me George as well.

I felt that you cannot correct someone for calling you “George” for the 11th time when you’ve let it pass the previous 10 times, so I just became George for the evening.

What should I have done?

Gentle Reader: Well, George – oops. But by your own admission, you do answer to it. And then you keep re-enforcing it by repeating the wrong name. The poor old human brain, particularly one in the dinner-party mode, needs more of a jolt to adjust itself.

Unless you learn to make a polite but memorable correction, you might as well give up and change your name.

At the hostess’s first mistake, it was your job to do the whispering, to avoid giving her the double embarrassment of apologizing first to your wife and then to you. After getting the lady’s attention by looking at her blankly in response to the wrong name, you could have said, “Actually, I’m called Derek. D-E-R-E-K.

“I don’t know who George is,” you might have said jovially, “but Derek here (pointing to yourself) feels very lucky to be representing him at this delightful dinner. It’s a wonderful evening, and I want to thank Zoe and Zachery (this would be a good time to get their names right) for having us.”

To follow this up, you should be the one to write the thank you letter, signing it with only your first name. If this leaves the hosts asking each other who on earth Derek is, puzzling out the answer will make your proper identity stick in their minds.

Readers may write to Miss Manners at MissManners@unitedmedia.com, or via postal mail at United Media, 200 Madison Ave., Fourth Floor, New York, NY 10016 or (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper.